Being Proactive v. Being Reactive

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being reactive v. being proactive. I’m always the one to say “Happen to your day! Don’t let your day happen to you!” or “Set goals for the life you want or you won’t ever get it!” or “Tell every dollar where to go or they will run off and you’ll never know where they went!”

And yet, recently, I’ve learned that reacting is actually a healthy part of being a human.

When anything new happens, any change or shift in season, or even a big, unexpected event (ahem 2020 ahem), there is a natural period of reaction. We react to our circumstances, and that’s well and good.

But if we live in that reaction for too long, that’s when it becomes unhealthy. That’s when we can get stuck in victim thinking, and we really are no good to anyone - especially those we love most.

The reactive stage should be first filled with whatever emotions come, and you should feel free to let your emotions out. Then - there’s the gathering of information. “Why did this happen? What is not working? What could work better?” As you gather information your move into the problem solving stage… and then you can get a new game plan and be PROACTIVE. And proactive is where I like to live. It’s the healthy side of you that has agency and freedom and authority, to make a plan and veer from that plan as you so choose.

I am reminding myself daily: it’s okay to have a period of reaction until I can truly be proactive and know what works.

React.
Gather information.
Problem solve.
Be proactive.

In some ways, September is going to be a lot of reaction - Adjusting to being a home that has a new Kindergartener and 2 new preschoolers and a part time homeschooling mama 😅. Our covid / summer schedules are gone and now there’s more structure and time restraints and riding in the car (gasp!). It’s an adjustment for allll of us, and a good one, but still - it’s new.

So. I’m going to allow myself to react a little. Be frustrated on the homeschool days if I need to be (like I was today). Cry my eyes out if I need to next week when I drop the 2 littles off at preschool (like I did last week for Milly). Feel the things as I do the things. Feel the tension points and problem solve - over time. And then I’ll move into being proactive when it’s time.

PS These shoes are my new FAVORITES and they are still at Target!