Benji's Birth Story
Benjamin Valor Ray was born at home at 9:50am on July 28th. This is his birth story!
Without getting into too much detail about why we chose a home birth (another blogpost on that is coming soon), I will just say I am SO glad we chose a home birth for our 4th baby. What a beautiful experience - it felt like it was exactly as God intended it to be! If you’d like to hear / read more about my previous birth experiences, here are the links:
Milly’s Birth Story Part 1
Milly’s Birth Story Part 2
Lyndon’s Birth Story Part 1
Lyndon’s Birth Story Part 2
Now onto Benjamin’s Home Birth Story!
The week of July 20th
Our baby’s due date was July 29th - the same due date as my 2nd, Lyndon! She was born 3 days early, on the 26th, so I was really hoping that they would have their own birthdays. Her birthday came and went, and I was so thankful! We waited to find out the gender (all of our kiddos have been gender surprises - 2 intentional, 1 unintentional!) so we just figured for the last one, we aren’t meant to know the gender of our babies!
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was having a lot of contractions. They would be 10 minutes apart, and then they would stop. That happened on and off for a few days, which is when I called my sister to come on a little earlier than she was planning to come. (My mama was already here, thankfully!) So my sister hopped on a plane with her 1 year old daughter Ezrah, so she could be here. She’s a trained doula and she had a home birth last year, so I really wanted her in my corner!
July 27th - 10:15pm
My mom and sister were in town, and I was two days from my due date. No real action - I just felt huge and was having on and off contractions. My sister was ready to get things rolling, so she gave me a pressure point massage and did some oils on my feet as I laid on my bed that night!
At 10:15, I got a text from my friend/photographer Lauren Thomas, who was nearby photographing a birth, and she was just checking in on me. I offered her a place to stay that night if she needed it as she was likely to be up all night! I had asked Cameron Faye to photograph this birth and for Lauren to be on call as a back up. (Both are DEAR friends - the three of us text quite frequently!! - and they both live a few hours away, both are passionate and so gifted at birth photography, and I basically wanted them both to be there, lol!)
So you can imagine my surprise when just 15 minutes later after texting Lauren, I feel a pop and my water breaks at 10:30pm as I’m laying in bed! I texted Lauren and said OMG my water just broke!! She said NO WAY! Since she was so close and we thought this could be a super fast birth, she said she’d come straight to me after the baby she was photographing was born.
One thing you have to understand: with my first 3 births, my water broke at the very end. Like the VERY end. The doctor broke my water for Milly and she was born 45 minutes later. My midwife broke my water for Lyndon and she was born 6 MINUTES later, and my water broke AS I was delivering Beaufort. So for me, when my water breaks, that means baby is coming and baby is coming fast!
So, understandably, I immediately feel a bit of panic! I texted my sister who was here but getting ready for bed. I was staring at Will wide eyed thinking “I’m about to have one of those crazy birth stories when no one makes it in time and I’m pushing as my husband catches the baby 30 minutes later! You better GET READY!”
I laid down on the couch with Will and Sissy speaking encouragement over me as my legs started shaking like crazy. That was another sign in my previous deliveries that baby was coming soon - my legs would shake like cra-zy. Here I was - my water broke, legs, shaking, and I was really battling with just being overwhelmed that no one would be here in time.
Sissy and Will both reassured me that I was fine, that I was dealing with adrenaline and hormones and that baby was NOT coming out right this second! We prayed and released it all to the Lord, and as I spoke the prayer out loud my legs became completely still and I felt overwhelmed with peace.
All of the fear I had been dealing with lifted in those moments, and I knew - I’m going to have this baby. I was standing on the promises that God had spoken to me throughout my pregnancy:
“I am going to be gentle with you.”
"The arrival of this baby is going to be seamless.”
"Do not fear. Be strong and courageous. I am with you.”
We called my aunt to come help with my niece Ezrah, so my mom could remain available too. We called my midwife and let her know she should head this way (my previous birth with Beaufort was fast, and she lived 2 hours away!), and we started timing contractions. We called Will’s mom (who was keeping Lyndon overnight) and asked her to be praying, we called Jess (Will’s sister) and let her know she could head this way to be extra support!
Contractions were anywhere between 4 minutes and 10 minutes apart, but they were pretty consistent depending on my position. If I was laying down, they were about 10 minutes apart. If I was sitting or standing, they were 4-8 minutes apart. They were strong, but not unbearable. And I was ready.
July 28th, Midnight
Jess arrived, and my first midwife Vicki arrived shortly after and checked on me and baby. I was laboring mostly in my bedroom and bathroom, trying to rest as much as possible between contractions. Will and Sissy were with me, but Sissy would occasionally disappear to go be with Ezzie or get some rest.
2:00am
Amy, my primary midwife, arrived and checked on me. I was so relieved when she got there! I was making steady progress, but I was surprised at how slow it felt. I was really expecting it to be no more than 4 hours, so the fact I was still in active labor at 2am was surprising to me. But my mindset was good - I knew I was in it for a marathon, not a sprint!
Will and I sent everyone else to bed and knew that we could call on them when we needed them. I had my prayer warriors praying, my support team there, and I was just doing the work of labor - waiting, resting, breathing through my contractions, repeat. I drank a protein smoothie and ate a banana, I kept drinking lots of water and rested as much as I could.
There was about an hour at some point in the middle of the night where I labored in the shower while sitting on a birth ball. It felt so good to me, and it reminded me of my labor with Milly where I did the same thing. Will was falling asleep on a little stool we keep in the bathroom, trying to stay awake looking at Twitter, ha! When I got out, we went to lay down on the bed for a while, and I had some really good, strong contractions while he dozed, all the while holding my hand.
This man. Once again… my rock. Never leaving my side for a moment, being the best birth coach and support I could ask for. I could not have done any of my births without him. He’s incredible.
5:30am
These times are a little fuzzy, so I’m kind of just guessing, but I believe it was around 5:30am that Will and I started walking around downstairs. From the Living room to the Dining room to the Kitchen, over and over. I read scripture cards that were given to me, I listened to Childbirth in the Glory, we had my labor and delivery worship playlist on repeat, and I just leaned on him for every contraction.
I’ll never forget around 6am - the sun was starting to come up as we were walking through our sleeping house. I saw the sky turn dark black to dark blue, I could see the silhouettes of the trees out of the window, and I remember thinking, I made it. I made it through the night, and new mercies are here to greet me! I’m having a baby today! There’s something so sweet about the sun coming up that brings so much hope, and I felt it deeply.
6:30am
Lauren finally made it! None of us thought that her hospital birth was going to take that long, but it was much longer than she expected. Thankfully, my birth was longer than we both expected, too! I was so happy to see her!
At this point, my contractions were getting very intense. I couldn’t talk, I was moaning through many of them. I would make the best progress on the toilet, so I labored there for a bit, and started feeling “pushy.” I was hoping for a water birth, so I knew if I wanted that to be my reality - it was time to start filling the tub, since it takes a little while. So, we filled the tub with warm water while I labored in the bathroom and bedroom, just going back and forth between those two rooms.
While the tub was filling, Beaufort woke up and came in to see me. His bewilderment was so cute - looking around at everything, asking “is the baby coming out?” “Yes!” I responded, and he was so excited!
I cannot tell you how sweet it is to have your children there with you while you are laboring! He was just the reminder I needed as things started to get intense. He reminded me WHY I was doing all of this in the first place! It was so precious.
7:30am
While I was in the tub, my room filled with sunshine. My contractions were still intense but the water really helped them feel less intense. I was so grateful I made it in the tub!
Since Lyndon had spent the night with Grammy for a little birthday celebration, she wasn’t home quite yet, and aunt Jess got to sleep in Lyndon’s bed all night! I can only imagine how excited Milly must have been to wake up and see one of her favorite people sleeping in Lyndon’s bed across from her!
One of my very favorite moments was when Jess led Milly into see me. It could have been Christmas morning for Milly! She had been looking forward to this moment for months. She had been begging me to be there when the baby was born. At first I wasn’t sure, but after talking to my midwife and a few other mamas, I decided to educate her as much as possible and then let her decide if she wanted to be there.
She watched birth videos with me, looked at pictures in my birth books, asked a million questions, and was generally fascinated / obsessed with birth. When she came downstairs, she was so excited to see that I was actually in labor! She woke up to a flurry of activity and people and mommy in the tub, and she was THRILLED. She wanted to be involved from the start, and she was. It was so sweet. My sister called her the “mini doula” and she certainly was! (Even though she put her hands over her ears at the end when I got loud, ha!)
8:00am
I remember looking at Will, saying “I really wish Lyndon was here.” After seeing Beaufort and Milly, I just knew I was going to be so sad if Lyndon wasn’t here with the baby was born. He looked back at me and said, “She and Grammy are on their way right now.” I knew that if I could just wait to have this baby until they arrived, my entire crew would be there. When she walked in to say hello between contractions, I was so happy, so thankful, and so relieved. My little Lyndy girl made it with prayer warrior Grammy.
I took some time laboring in the tub, then spent some time laboring on the bed for a bit, then on the toilet, then back in the tub.
(Can we just pause and acknowledge how beautiful this image is above?! That light!)
9:00am
One interesting thing about this birth is that I never had a cervical check! Isn’t that just the craziest thing? So I never knew if I was 4cm or 8 cm or 10 cm. I was nervous that it would play with my mind a little, so I just kept laboring on. My midwife was so sweet and respected my decision to not be checked, and kindly said if I changed my mind just to let her know.
At this point, I felt like everyone just settled, watched, and waited. Grammy had Lyndon and Beaufort in the other room watching Bluey while Nean watched Ezzie in our guest house as well. Surrounding me in the room was Will, Sissy, Mom, Amy and Vicki, Milly, Jess, and Lauren. It felt like there was so much love and support in the room.
As I was in the tub and contractions intensified, we just worshiped. Everyone in the room was worshiping, waiting, and I felt their support in a very tangible way. I had my Labor and Delivery Playlist going on shuffle, and music and praise filled the room. It was peaceful, and also focused. I didn’t open my eyes. I was completely in that place of surrender, focus, almost other-worldly… where heaven and earth meet. It was so sacred.
Then, this song came on called “We do not labor in vain” by the Faithful Project. Talk about the PERFECT song! I just started weeping. Those words were a balm to my soul and lifted my spirit so, so much in that moment. I was so tired, I had been up all night, my body was working so hard, and I knew I was nearing the end. Listening to those words and singing “we do not labor in vain!!” was one of the most sacred moments of my life, as I knew I was about to meet one of the most important people in my life, my fourth born baby! There wasn’t a dry eye in the room by the time that song ended. The lyrics are below 😭
This is the groaning
As You count every tear we have sown
And we trust what those tears will become
This is the stretching
Making room for our hope to arrive
Knowing You come to make us alive
To make us alive
We wait for light, we wait for rain
Behold the life born out of pain
Eyes to the dawn, we're not afraid
We do not labor in vain
We will keep breathing
When the burden is too much to bear
We can carry it if You are there
And You will deliver
All Your children to freedom and joy
In our sorrow, we're lifting our voice
Oh, we're lifting our voice
We wait for light, we wait for rain
Behold the life born out of pain
Eyes to the dawn, we're not afraid
We do not labor in vain
We do not labor in vain
FAITHFUL, Taylor Leonhardt & Janice Gaines (featuring Christa Wells) - We Do Not Labor In Vain
9:40am
I started feeling like my contractions were really moving the baby down. These contractions were familiar to me - just like the ones before I had Beaufort. Really intense, like there was no stopping that train. This time I was breathing through them and moaning through them steadily, but I just knew that my body was telling me it was time to push. I didn’t need a cervical check - I truly just followed my body’s lead and I knew it was time!
God’s promise to me this pregnancy was that He would be gentle with me in the delivery process. He truly, truly was. He showed me that it was time to push, but He allowed me to take the lead, when I was ready. (Very unlike my last two births, ha!)
I got to the point that I was so ready to have the baby out that when a contraction came, I just started bearing down and pushing. I felt baby moving down, but was still a little nervous. Amy, my precious midwife who I love, looked at me and said, “This is the point where your body is telling you one thing and your brain is telling you another. You have to overcome that and let your body do what it was made to do.”
The next contraction, I followed the urge and pushed with all my might. I did. not. stop. It felt overwhelming, like I couldn’t do it, and at the same time I knew that I had to do it. There was no way out - only through. Relief was around the corner, and the hardest work of my life was staring me in the face. So I pushed like crazy, and my midwife announced that my precious baby’s head was born! I could have sworn it was the entire baby! When I realized I was SO close, nothing could stop me from worshiping. Jesus had done it. I just started crying out “Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah!! You are worthy of praise!” and other voices joined me in the room. He had held my hand and taken me through another birth, and it WAS gentle and free of fear and so beautiful! And I was on the cusp of it!
My next contraction came, and as I felt it, I pushed the rest of my baby’s body out. Amy guided him to me in the water, and I was able to lift him to my chest, in awe.
Our fourth baby was born at 9:50am!
Words CANNOT express the RELIEF and LIFE felt in those divine moments after birth. I felt so proud, so strong, so relieved. Holding that tiny baby’s body, healthy and secure in my arms… there is truly nothing like it! LIFE! New life! The one we have prayed for and waited for finally in my arms!
Will wasted no time in lifting a leg and announcing to the whole room “It’s a BOY!” I felt like I was half on earth and half in another world, barely hearing his announcement! It settled in and I couldn’t believe it - a BOY. The room cheered and we were all so grateful and so excited!
Milly stayed in the room the whole time (!!), and she was so excited to meet her little brother. We called in Lyndon and Beaufort (who were in the other room watching Bluey when he was born, which is our fav show and makes me so happy they were watching it when I had the baby, ha!), and they all stood there soaking it all in. Mommy’s baby was in her tummy, and now he’s on the outside! I loved watching them make sense of it all, and I loved seeing their joy! They loved him instantly.
Just after he was born, Sam arrived with her daughter (my niece) Griffin! Sam is my high school bff turned sister-in-law (we married brothers), and we were due just 10 days apart! (You can listen to our story here to learn about how significant and special this was.) She arrived just in time to hear Will announce it was a boy! She knew she was expecting a boy, so it was like getting the news that there were gonna be two new little bff cousins running around together!
The picture above is my Aunt Nean and my precious Mama, and I LOVE it so much. So many moments that Lauren captured so beautifully!
I laid in the bed a while and just snuggled our sweet new son. Everyone was so happy. I heard people bustling about in our kitchen, someone went to Bojangles to get a ton of biscuits to feed everyone, Jess made me the best sandwich ever and I drank a capri sun because we had one on hand and it just sounded so good, ha! And sweet Milly didn’t want to leave my side.
As I look through these beautiful photos (thank you Lauren 😭) I’m reminded of how incredibly blessed I am to have this support team, this family, these precious friends around me. What a gift.
My mama reading scripture and praying over me.
My sister’s sweet touch and constant presence, reminding me to relax my forehead, rubbing my back, pouring water on me, and holding my hand.
Milly’s sweet arm rubs, her fascination with birth, and her eagerness to turn off the fan as soon as the baby was born (her favorite and most important job to keep the baby warm!)
My husband’s steadfastness, faithfulness, and love.
My sisters-in-law Jess and Sam, my besties, the aunts to my kiddos, my lifelong friends who know me the best, cheering for me, worshiping with me, crying with me.
Benji’s arrival changed me. It gave me more confidence in birth than ever before, and that God made our bodies to do exactly what they need to do. It boosted my faith to trust God’s words to me more than ever, for the rest of my life.
And the words I’ll take to heart for the rest of my life, matter what comes our way:
We do not labor in vain!
Benjamin means “son of my right hand.”
Valor means “courageous in the face of danger.”
Welcome, sweet Benji, my courageous, brave boy. We love you so, so much.
All photos by the wonderful Lauren Jolly Photography