224 - The Unexpected Free Time Game Plan
Affiliate links have been used in this post! I do receive a commission when you choose to purchase through these links, and that helps me keep this podcast up and running—I truly appreciate when you choose to use them!
Resources from this episode:
Show Notes:
Every once in a while us moms find ourselves in a very perplexing situation: We have an unexpected hour of time and we have no idea what to do with ourselves. Today, we're gonna get a game plan.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through below.
Okay, there's usually a weird wave of anxiety that hits me whenever I have an unexpected hour of free time. Logically, I know I should be happy and I am. Don’t get me wrong. But I'm also very anxious because I didn't see it coming. I don't know what to do with myself because there's only 974 things on my to-do list. I also know that I need to exercise or take a walk or do something for my physical body. I also know that I need to spend time with God. Good grief, an hour goes by really fast because I've already spent the 15 minutes trying to decide what I should be doing and worrying about my choices and so now I'm already down to 45 minutes. I don't know if this is relatable to anybody, but it sure happens to me a lot. Well, I won't say a lot because I don't feel like I get a ton of unexpected free hours, but it happens to me.
Now before I had kids, there was new anxiety with unexpected free time. There was no anxiety with this blessed surprise hour or two of life. I think it's because it feels like this rare gift, this gem of a gift, this treasure of time is something I don't usually get. It's hard to kind of stop and think, “What do I want to do?” because as moms, we are on all the time. From the moment we wake up to the moment we lay down. Even while we're sleeping, we're still on because we are always listening for the baby to cry or a bad dream or a middle-of-the-night sickness to happen. We're always, always on. So, to get free time or a free hour of time to spend… It's like “What do we do?”
So today, this episode is dedicated to that conundrum, that hour of wonderful bliss. The surprise that we don't know what to do with and we feel anxious about. I just want to talk through options for us because there's only one thing worse than the anxiety that comes with an unexpected hour of free time. That is the anxiety that takes over after the hour is over because we feel like we wasted it. We wasted gold. Nobody wants that. It's like dumping out a bottle of breast milk. We want to make the most of that.
So whether we take a nap with that hour, or clean out the kitchen, or answer emails, or take a walk, or call a friend. Let's think through this today, together. During this podcast episode, let's make a game plan (maybe an oversimplified plan) for our next hour of unexpected freedom.
I want to start out by telling you a story of my birthday this year. So it wasn't that long ago, but I was in Nashville visiting my mom and sister and we had all planned to go out and get our nails done for my birthday. That was going to be our little outing - my birthday celebration. We are driving to the nail place on New Year's Eve and my sister is just so upset and just anxious. She's like, “Guys, I just don’t feel right about getting my nails done. I feel anxious. We are totally out of food in our pantry, like I don't have just basic food stuff for my kids.” She has 7 kids so that's a big deal and she also has like a nursing baby at home with special needs and she had left him behind with her husband while we went to go get our nails done and she just had a lot on her mind. I just looked at her and I said “Sissy, if you don't want to get your nails done right now, you don't need to get your nails done right now. She was like, “Well, I really want to. I want to celebrate you and spend time with you, but honestly the thing that I need most right now is to go to the grocery store.” I was like, “I totally get it.”
It transported me back to postpartum, really the first year of any of my baby's lives. It can just feel really overwhelming at certain times. I was like, “You know what would make me really happy on my birthday is if you did what you needed to do.” Because I have sat and gotten my nails done (and I don't get my nails done very much at all), but I have sat and gotten my nails done before when I've had a long list of things to do and it did not feel fun at all or enjoyable or relaxing. It's like this is not what I needed in this moment. So on my birthday, I went and they said “What if you just went by yourself?” I was like, “That sounds amazing I'll just go by myself.” So I went and got my nails done by myself. You know what I did? I watched America's Got Talent for like an hour while I was getting my nails done. Such a funny, weird show. I was just so relaxed and so entertained and it made me so happy knowing that she and my mom, they just went to the grocery store. Literally the same parking lot. They went grocery shopping because that's what they wanted to do and this is what I want to do.
Now, why am I telling you this story? I think it illustrates that a lot of times when we have a free hour, we think we should be doing something. Like I should be getting my nails done or I should be doing one thing or another. For me and my sister that day when we both had childcare for all the kids and we both had this, kind of planned outing, but some free time to do something that we wanted to do. We fell into very different camps. My kids were a little bit older. They were entertained by the cousins. It was very easy for me. I was getting good sleep. She had been up all night with her baby. No food in the kitchen and was just really overwhelmed by life.I was like, “Yeah, just go grocery shopping. You don't want to sit there and feel like you're trapped in a nailchair.”
So I start this episode out with that story by saying the first thing that you need to do when you're deciding what to do with your time is assess kind of where you are and what would be the most helpful for you in that moment. I know that sounds very obvious, but here's the deal: On any given day, there are so many different needs going on in our lives and there are so many different parts of ourselves that need care or that are neglected. I've made a list of them for you to kind of think about and to consider. What is the one lacking the most in your life or what do you feel like would be most necessary for you right now? But know the next time you get a free hour, it might be different. It might be a different category. So I think the first step of this process is to kind of make a list before that free time arises and then you can kind of assess which one of these things you want to do.
So here's my quick list of needs in my life: My soul and spiritual needs, my body, my relationships, my household, my work, and my play. I'll kind of outline those briefly.
My soul is my spiritual life, my walk with the Lord, reading, meditating, meditating on scripture, memorizing scripture, journaling, taking care of my heart.
My body is like getting outside, exercising, moving, working out, cardio, lifting weights, showering, getting myself dressed.
My relationships include my marriage, scheduling date nights with Will, having difficult conversations with Will if I need to, just watching shows with him, hanging out with him. Ah, my friendships - getting coffee, sending a quick message, just connecting with them, planning some fun nights out with them. Um. Then other family relationships as well.
My household - Whew this list is long including, but not limited to: laundry, clutter, germs and dirtiness, meal planning, meal prepping three times a day, all of those urgent needs in our household every single day.
My work - Whatever it is for you. Creative work, job work, homeschooling, household stuff. Work looks different for all of us.
Then my play, which is a need. It really is. Letting loose, being a human, filling my cup, resting, just making time to enjoy life.
So I want you to pause and kind of make your own list. On the note of that last one - your play. That's a tough one for us moms, I think specifically. So I really want to encourage you to make your own play list.
Now, I was originally going to title this podcast episode, “My Play List” and tell you about all the things I like to do for play. I might do an episode like that, but this other idea of what do I do with my free time kind of came out of it. I do want you to pause and write a list of things that you like to do for play, which is just having fun and enjoying life and having no actual goal attached to it, but just doing it for the sake of doing it. I think that would be a really good exercise to do, along with this list of things that are needs in our lives.
So this is where our brain naturally goes when we get a free hour. Usually, the anxiety comes for me because I immediately think, “Oh my goodness, I got to fold laundry. I have so much laundry to fold. I’ve got to make dinner. I'm behind on making dinner/meal planning for this week. Um man, that closet under the stairs is still exploding with jackets and stuff in boxes. I don't even know what's in there. Oh and the garage is dirty and gross and full of leaves and needs to be swept and cleaned out. It hass just accumulated stuff. Oh, the floor of my closet is a disaster. I have so many clothes currently on the floor in my closet (clean, dirty, probably a mix, I don't know) and your brain starts to just explode with all these things that are urgent. It's not bad. But this is where we need to just take a deep breath and we're going to break that today. Instead of being driven by the urgent, we're going to stop and ask ourselves what's important and what would be the best thing for you to do today.
So I'm going to give 3 simple options. This is oversimplified of how you can spend that free time. In my mind, it really just boils down to 3 things: Soul care, work, or play. You can spend the entire hour (and I'm just using hour as an example, but it might be two or three hours) or whatever allotment of time you have, you can spend that whole time just doing soul care. You could spend the whole time working on a project. You could spend the whole time playing, reading a book, going on a walk, in your hammock. Whatever you want to do. But first let's start with asking yourself some questions to get to understand what of those three things do I need and want to do today.
How am I doing?
The first question is, Mama, how are you doing? Are you doing ok? If you're not, it's ok. All of us get to that place. You're not alone. The most important thing is for you to take the time to help your heart first. How are you doing mentally? How is your walk with the Lord? Take the time to care for your soul; that innermost place might need a good cry or maybe you need to call your mom or maybe you just need to curl up in your bed and write in your journal and get down a lot of the anxious thoughts that you are feeling. Maybe just schedule a counseling session for yourself. Whatever you need to do. Maybe napping is it. Sometimes, when you have no sleep in your life and you're feeling anxious, the first thing you need to do is just take a nap because you're so sleep deprived. Maybe you're exhausted and sleep is the thing that you need most. There's no better use of an hour than that. Take care of yourself. If you're not well, your home isn't going to be well either. The first thing you need to do is to take care of yourself. So what comes to your mind that would meet that heart need for you if you feel like your heart isn't doing great?
What is making me feel anxious right now and what can I do about it?
Second question: If you're feeling anxious about all that has to be done and you're never ending to-do list, ask yourself, “What is it that's making me feel so anxious right now?” Can you pinpoint it? What's one thing you could focus on (just turn off your phone and social media) and knockout that would leave you feeling less anxious? That day, for my sister it was grocery shopping. After I got my nails done and she got all her groceries, we looked at each other and we were like, “That was so great.” She said “I needed that so much” and I was so glad that worked out. What's something that you can just knock out that's really just kind of been hanging over you?
A couple of ideas: What if you've been avoiding an email that's difficult to write? Maybe that's what you need to go address first thing. Status of your pantry. Maybe it's really bad. You can go knock that out. Maybe it's a room or a table (I say this because this is my life. It's our homeschool table). It's like a catchall place in your life and it's just cluttered and you need to just take some time to sort through it. Is there something practical that you need to work out or work on that would help you feel less anxious?
What would leave me feeling the most fulfilled?
Okay, third question. Let's say you get this hour and you're doing okay. Your heart's good, you're not feeling anxious. I feel like the next step would be to ask yourself this question: At the end of this hour or a couple of hours, what would leave me feeling the most fulfilled? It might be work, like working on a project that you've got going on, cleaning out the garage for an hour, or doing something with your hands like that or it might be some play, like nonproductive restorative play. You could take a bath, read a book, go for a walk, go knit something or sew something or learn something new or whatever hobby you have. Just go do that. Whatever answers the question of what would leave you the most fulfilled by the end of that hour, I think is what you should spend your time doing.
I think too, it's just good to know and recognize that it's sometimes really difficult to answer these questions and figure out what we need. The unexpected free time is hard because we are so used to having all of our children's needs and demands in front of us, in our brains and our hearts all the time. So it's quite challenging to get in touch with our own needs and wants when we get a moment to. It's also hard I think because the needs in our household and for our children, they don't end just because the children aren't around. There’s still laundry that needs to be done and their room that needs to be cleaned and their sheets that need to be changed and for us homeschool stuff that needs to be organized. It's just never ending.
So I think sometimes the household needs are really magnified for me when they're gone. But that's why I wanted to talk this through and just encourage you and encourage myself. Next time I get a free hour, take a deep breath. It does not need to just immediately go to the needs of the house or the children. It can. It absolutely can if that's what's going to make you feel better or if that brings you joy. But it doesn't have to, so just stopping to think about it is kind of fun.
So next time you get some unexpected free time, take a deep breath. Care for your soul, do some work, do some play. Honestly, I think I might even try a little combo. If I really am like I do not know what to do, then I'm gonna just say I'm going to spend 10 or 15 minutes with the Lord, about 20 or 25 minutes working on a project, and then 20 or 25 minutes going on a walk and enjoying life and just do a combo of those things. I mean, that would make me feel real good at the end of a few hours if I did a combination of those three things.
So go back to those lists that you know you can jot down. You can listen to this episode and write down a bunch of notes in your phone and then the next time you get some free time, just kind of scan over them so that hopefully it'll help you think a little bit clearer.
Here's some more ideas. Take them or leave them. The most important thing is to identify how you're doing in that moment of free time and then go from there, but here's some suggestions. If you're feeling exhausted and run down, only focus on caring for your heart and your body. Only do that in the free time. If you're feeling anxious about something in particular and you can pinpoint that thing, address that first. Use the time that you have to address that first. A relationship that needs help, clutter that feels out of control. Just say a prayer over your time and spend your hour addressing that thing head on. Hopefully you'll feel lighter at the end of that time.
If you're in a good place, divide up the time. Do some soul care, some work and some play. When all else fails, just read a book because really, is that ever wasted? Is that hour ever wasted if you're reading a good book? I don't think so.
Alright, those are my thoughts on what to do with that unexpected hour of free time, especially for us mamas. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for listening to episode 224 of Work and Play with Nancy Ray. You can always find me over at nancyray.com and at @NancyRay on Instagram and all the links that I ever mention in episodes can be found in the show notes. You can head to nancyray.com/podcast/224 for this episode.
It was Susan Kane who said,
“Spend your free time the way you like; not the way you think you're supposed to. Stay home on New Years Eve if that's what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chit chat with random acquaintances. Read, cook, run, write a story. Make a deal with yourself that you'll attend a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off.”
Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.
