153 - Getting Past Tension
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Show Notes:
We all have tension in our lives. And a lot of times that manifests itself in anxious thoughts and just feeling like we can't get our heads around something or we can't move through it and that's just part of being human. It's just part of living life and this isn't the episode that I had planned for today, but it's the episode that God put on my heart.
So I'm just going to talk about tension and anxiety and how to get through that, how to get past it, how to get through to the other side. I'm going to share some practical things that I've walked through in my life very recently and I'm going to share the things that helped me get through it.
And then at the end of this episode, I'm just gonna to be honest and share a little bit about what's going on with the podcast and what you can look forward to in the coming weeks and months.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through it below.
So, like I just said, this is not what I had planned for today's podcast episode, but I always leave every podcast with open hands. I like the flexibility to be able to change topics and do what I feel like God puts on my heart if it's a different topic and that's what's going to happen.
So today is going to be a little, I don't know, maybe rough around the edges. I feel like I kind of put this together quickly because it was on my heart. So yeah, you can just listen along as I share my heart and some real life circumstances I’ve kind of walked through recently and hopefully some practical things that will help you if you have any similar situations going on.
So the heart of what I want to talk about is how to get to the other side of tension. I think that tension in a lot of ways is a gift that God gives us to tell us something's not right. If we're feeling tense a lot or anxious or unsettled about something, that's a sign from the Lord or from ourselves that we need something to be made right in our life.
And we're not supposed to sit in tension forever, but there are seasons of our lives where we feel tense in a relationship or a situation and it feels prolonged and that's exhausting because I don't feel like we were made to live in that tension. So I want to give you some practical things and examples in my life of ways that I felt tension and I felt unsettledness—if that's a word, about certain things in my life and just some things that I've done that have helped me get through it.
I'm not saying to copy paste, that it's going to perfectly for you, but I am saying that maybe there's something that I'll say today that would help you in maybe one situation in your life, or maybe you'll remember it a few years from now and it will help you then.
But most of all, I just want you to know that life is hard. I don't have it all together, we're all working through the hard stuff in life together and God has never left your side for a moment and he's with you and able to help you work through any kind of tension that you're feeling in a situation in your life.
The verse that I want to focus on, as I share these things with you is 2 Corinthians 9:8 and it says, “God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” That's God's will for you, that He's going to provide everything you need in every time and season, that you will abound in every good work.
And so He has the resources, He's given you everything that you need, but sometimes it's up to us just to kind of pause and look around us and think, okay, God, if you've given us everything we need, what do I need to do? What's my next step?
So I want to share just a couple of examples of where I felt tension lately in my own life. Work, this podcast—that's the first example that comes to mind, mom guilt, that's kinda tied to work, work decisions about this podcast—which I'll share a little bit more about that at the end. Just feeling out, not enough time to do the work I want to do, not enough time to spend quality time with the kids.
Just not enough time in general, for anything, for me time, for time with my husband, for time with friends, just yeah. Not feeling plugged in at church, we're fairly new still to our church.
Tension and politics, that's just heavy, I think we all feel that. Tension in my marriage, tension in family relationships, tension in finances, financial decisions, tension in just creating a will. Those decisions feel like they have to be perfect and they're heavy and so it makes me just put it off again and again.
All these things are just life, it's just life and it's hard and it's weighty sometimes, but I just, I want to encourage you because while I’ve felt tension in all those areas, I've had some good breakthrough in some of those areas. I've had to work through them and this is my moment in this podcast where I can just say to whoever is listening, you know what? Sometimes we just need to be a grownup and that's sometimes hard to hear.
Sometimes we just want to be a kid. I want to be a kid. I want to like hide in the corner and cry sometimes and like watch a movie, but the reality is I'm 35 years old and no one else is going to do this for me. And so I just challenge you and encourage you as you're listening to this, let's put on our big girl pants and do the grownup thing and make the hard decision, seek the help that we need because the resources are available.
And I don't think there's any more ripe target for the enemy than someone who feels stuck and is full of self-pity. The enemy sees that and is like, yes, that's exactly where I want you, but you know what? The Heavenly Father, He wants goodness for us, He wants to show you that He's given us everything that we need. And He wants to give us the boldness and strength to take hold of those things that are right in front of us.
So it's my pep talk and encouragement to you to say—
Life is hard and it's full of tension and anxiety
But, there's hope, and there is a way to the other side of that and you're not meant to live like that forever
I heard someone say, I think it was in a sermon yesterday. That when you're in crisis, one of the best things that someone can say to you is that there's a beginning and an end to that crisis because when you're in crisis, you think this is never going to end, this is going to be my life forever, but there's a beginning and an end.
And I want to say the same thing, whether you're in crisis or whether it's just a season of tension and anxiety, there should be a beginning and an end to it. You're not meant to live like this forever.
Okay, so here are just eight little bite-sized pieces of encouragement and practical tips that if you feel like you need to get to the other side, something that's weighing on you, maybe you could try one of these things.
Number one, take initiative.
Be the first to take initiative, make the call, invite the people, do the thing. That feels scary sometimes but in my own life, I've been feeling like I've been in such a dry season, spiritually, specifically in biblical community, a very dry season.
We left our last church maybe three years ago now and it took us about two years to find the church that we're at and we're coming up on a one year anniversary of us joining the church as members. But in the last year, I've had a baby and we have not gotten plugged in in any meaningful way. I mean, it has been wonderful to be part of a church and to go to church services on Sunday mornings but beyond that, we volunteered here and there, but really haven't found our people, you know, we want to be, we want to have friends. We want to have people we're doing life with in our church, we want to study scripture together, we have not done any of that.
I looked into small groups and the schedules just didn't work with us and the little kids that we have. Like meeting Sunday or Wednesday nights at 7:30 with four children in tow, it just doesn't work. Our kids are so little, it's really hard and I just decided I am done feeling spiritually dry.
So you know what I did? I texted a woman in our church who I knew and she's led Bible studies before. Then I texted the only five ladies that I knew in our church that are young moms, just like me and I said, “Do y'all want to start a Bible study? I don't have a lot to give, this schedule is really hard, can we customize a Bible study?” I asked the lady, I was like, “Can you lead it? And would any of you guys be interested?”
And all of them, which granted, this doesn't always happen, but all of them said yes, and we have been meeting now for about a month. We meet every other week because that's the only thing that our families can really do, beause all of us have little kids.
Two of the six of us are pregnant and, not me by the way, but like it's just a season in life where we're all consumed with having little babies and it's hard to get away. It's hard, but let me just say I was so blessed, I was so scared to take initiative and text everybody this, but I have been so blessed in return by putting myself out there and just making the ask.
So if you're feeling lonely, if you're feeling dry, if you're feeling like there's something missing in your life. Number one, I just encourage you to take initiative because you don't know what kind of blessing is waiting on the other side of that.
Number two, find a good counselor.
Go see a counselor, I know it costs money and I know it costs time and I know it's hard, but I was having a lot of tension around my work.
What am I doing? Why am I doing this podcast? What's the point? I have all these little kids, is this really what I want to do? Is, you know, struggling with like mom guilt, like, is this the best thing for my family? Is this the best thing for me? Am I being selfish? Like, Lord check my heart, is this driven from selfish ambition? Like what is it?
And I talked about it with Will, I talked about it with my mom, my sister, I've talked about it with friends. I've just been in a place of tension and as much as all of my close people love me, they weren't the people that had the answers and I just kept talking about it and talking about it and there was nothing they could do or offer me to help. And I just said, I need to see a counselor about this, I need someone who can ask me some hard questions and get to the root of what is going on in my heart and what I really want. What do I really want?
And I had that counseling session two weeks ago, and I tell you what it gave me so much freedom. It was truly just freeing, like it freed me of so much mom guilt and just laid things out and she asked me questions that I just really needed to be asked.
I cried my way through the whole thing, but man, it just got to, it got to my heart, it got to the bottom of it, and I'm going to go back. I'm actually planning to see her tomorrow, I think I'm going to go like twice a month.
This is me just being very vulnerable with you, telling you all the things, but here's the deal. I really want to help be a voice to get rid of the stigma of—seeing a counselor means that something's wrong with you or you need help. Listen, there's something wrong with all of us, we all need help. It should be part of our normal lives to see a counselor and talk about hard things with someone who is safe and grounded in scripture who can help us see things clearly when we can't.
And I was telling Will, you know, we were talking about budgeting and budgeting for a counselor and how it's expensive, but I said, but you know what? Like, isn't it worth it to spend the money and talk with someone who just basically helped me uncover ways to be more happy and joyful in my life?
Like I'd rather have less money and be more happy and joyful and satisfied in my life and sure of myself, than to have that extra a hundred dollars in my pocket and still have all this tension. Like I'm buying a better life by paying a counselor and it was, he was like, that's so true. Like, yes, it's better to get that help and spend that money than to hang on to that money and not get the help you need because it's a richer and fuller and more abundant life if you can work through the things that are really hard for you.
So find a counselor, it's worth it.
Number three, plan some downtime for your brain.
Ask for help with the kids or if you don't have family nearby, you don't have the budget or ability to get a babysitter. My encouragement is, just ask a friend maybe to come over and watch them for a little bit, or just put on a movie. Put on a movie for them and go into your room and get your journal out.
That's okay to do every once in a while. Like sometimes I think as moms, we just don't have the time to process things and we need that, we need it so badly. So, plan some downtime for your brain to just process things.
Number four is to make a plan.
I think a lot of times I feel tension and overwhelm and anxiety when things feel out of control, which is normal, but when you have a plan it helps ease that tension. And it helps you work through the things you need to work through. For an example, one place of tension in our marriage for a really long time.
And I talked about this, I think a few episodes back has been that we've wanted—I've wanted a regular date night for really long time. It's not that Will doesn't want a date night, but I think we've both been hesitant to ask family members to watch our kids. And even though they're willing and happy to, we just got to the point where we weren't doing regular date nights because we just felt bad asking them.
And then it just snowballed and it was just a point of tension in our marriage, which has got to the point where it was like frustrating. And it literally was like this for many years and this year Will just said, I have a proposal—you find the babysitters, we're going to pay them. We're going to budget for it twice a month and that's going to be a regular date night and I'll make the plan. I'll choose the spot you cover the childcare.
Let's do it every other Thursday night and boom, that's what we did. And it hasn't been perfect, we've skipped some weeks. It has not been perfect, but it has been so much better than it ever has been before and I'm so thankful for that.
Another example is in our finances, a lot of times when you feel stressed about finances or money, it's because you don't have a plan and it's stressful to be the adult and sit down and look at all your numbers and get a plan in place.
But oh my goodness, it brings peace and freedom and removes that tension that you feel on your shoulders and in the back of your mind all the time, if you can make a plan and stick to it.
Number five, talk it through with your people.
Just have the conversations that are hard. If you can, just talk it through, just say, “Hey, can I run something by you? Can I talk to you about something?” I mentioned creating a will is something that we've been working on and it's hard to create a will. I mean, you're like deciding where all of your things are going to go and what's going to happen when you die and who's gonna like, if Will, and I both died, who's going to take the children?
All these things. This is hard. It's hard to think about. It's hard to make those decisions, but better to make the decisions and be done with it and have them be imperfect than never to do it at all. So I started talking this through with family members because obviously we've asked some family members to take the children if we were to both die and—this sounds so morbid talking about it, but come on, we're grownups let's have this conversation.
So anyway, long story short, I was Marco Poloing with my sister, telling her about these things and asking her what her plan was and telling her what I wanted when I died and then we started talking about our funeral and it ended up being the most hilarious conversation because she was like correcting her toddler and folding laundry while talking about her will.
And then I was running errands, picking up the kids from preschool, feeding my kids Chick-fil-A while talking about my will and we just were both cracking up. We were like, is this what adulting looks like? Like, I feel like part of the reason I've never had this conversation is, it feels too serious and too big to have this conversation on Marco Polo while we're doing these really like nonchalant daily tasks but I was like, this is, this is it.
This is adulting. This is better than never having the conversations, it doesn’t to be a sit down, let me take you to dinner, let me talk about my will. The thing just needs to be talked about and so it gave us so much freedom.
We started talking about what songs we wanted at her funeral and we started talking about just different things. You know, our wishes and our will, different things. Whatever you get the point, bottom line was, it's better to just talk it through with your people, there's no good time for it. There's no perfect time for it. Don't wait for the perfect time.
Just talk it through, whatever the subject is, whatever the thing is, just go ahead and talk it through with your people.
Number six, take some time to educate yourself.
I feel like with the political climate right now, and our culture, and the way that our culture is headed, which is dark and confusing and devastating, divisive, it's hard. It's hard. And if you let that get on you, I can feel, oh, I can feel really dark and depressed if I start thinking about the way everything is headed and how confused. I mean, there is a spirit of confusion on our nation and in the world right now, but do you know what help me manage that tension is to educate myself. To know what I believe, to read the word of God and know what it says about these different topics that are being thrown around in our culture. To put myself under Godly teaching about these different issues, educate yourself.
If you take the time to educate yourself, it helps relieve some of that tension because you know where you stand, you know the truth, you firmly plant your feet on the truth in the word of God. And you know that even if people will be critical and will come against you—which they will at this point, that's the climate we're living in. You know what you believe and why you believe it. So taking time to educate yourself as really helped me in the political climate right now.
Number seven, I mentioned, I feel like there's not enough time.
And I think one thing that's helped me in this is just to analyze my calendar and I'm starting to track my time. Toggl is the app that I've been using and I just learned about it, t-o-g-g-l. I'm not perfect at it, I'm still getting the hang of it, but tracking your time is such an eye opening experience. It really helps to understand where you're spending your time and that allows you to also take authority over your calendar and over your plan, eliminate things that aren't important and make time for the things that are.
Number eight. This is the last one, My last word of encouragement for you is a phrase I've said, I think I've said before and that phrase is—it takes what it takes.
Will says this a lot of times when he's coaching business clients and they're trying to like come up with a big business plan and they're getting frustrated because it's taking so long and Will just says, it takes what it takes.
I think he got it from a book, I think it's in the book Traction. Bottom line, it takes time. For me, it always takes more time than I want and it requires patience. But guess what? The right decision, getting to the other side of that tension, sometimes it just takes what it takes. Sometimes that means you're going to be living in a season of tension, fighting for something for way longer than you want and that is when you have to beg the Holy Spirit for patience, that Fruit of the Spirit.
Because it takes what it takes, but there will be an end. There will be a new chapter in your life, you will get on the other side of tension, but know, it takes patience.
So if you have tension or anxiety in your life, I just want to remind you “God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8
My prayer is that some of these practical things I've given you today are some things that you, you already have, that you realize—I already have the ability to talk this out. I already have the ability to take initiative. I have the ability to just turn on a movie and go into my room and journal for a little bit. I have these resources to make a plan. I can educate myself. I can analyze my calendar. I can, I can ask God for more patience, but God has given you everything you need.
I love this verse too, Ephesians 1:3 says “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.” If you're united with Christ, he has blessed you with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm. You have all that you need.
And lastly, Colossians 2:10, “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” We are complete in our union with Christ. We have everything that we need.
So my prayer for you is, as you are wrestling with tension or decisions or different things, that you would realize, God has already given you everything you need in Christ Jesus. He's with you, and He is for you, and He is helping you process these things, and He doesn't want you to get to the other side of that tension alone. He wants to hold your hand and help you through it.
Now, one of the things I mentioned in this episode is just that I wanted to give you a quick update on the podcast and I have just been prayerfully deciding what direction to go in with the podcast, what to do, and I just want to let you know, things are still in the works.
I thought I'd have everything figured out by now, but it takes what it takes. I'm being patient, I'm trying to make the right decision at the right time, but a couple things for you to look forward to, every year in May, I do May is for Mamas, which is really exciting, and so I focus the whole month of May on topics about motherhood and I have special guests come on and that is still happening.
I'm really excited for that, but just keep your ears and eyes peeled, I guess, just your ears peeled. Ew, that just, no, we're not going to say ears peeled, that is so weird.
Just keep an ear out—we'll say it that way, for what's coming, because I feel like there's going to be some different opportunities, just some different things. I'm always open to feedback on this podcast, I've taken a lot of the feedback you guys have actually already given, and I'm hoping to launch something new in the coming weeks.
You guys are gonna be the first to know about it here and I can't wait to share it with you, but know that that's coming, know that May is for Mamas is coming and I'm really excited just to find better ways to serve you and I just so appreciate the way that you guys support me, share about these episodes, leave reviews, it means the world to me and I'm so, so grateful.
And that's really the best thing you can do is just to share episodes with people who are in your circles and in your life, whether it's through a text message or on social media or an email or whatever it is, I'm just so grateful every time you do that. So thank you so much.
That's it, that's a wrap. Thank you, and I'm going to close with words from Jesus in John 16:33. I hope this is just a final encouragement to you as we've talked about tension and anxiety, Jesus said
“In the world, you will have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.”
Friend, we have a really good reason to be of good cheer, to be joyful, grateful, and happy because he wins, in the end, he wins.
Thanks for listening and I'll catch you next time.
