235 - Dear Grandma Nancy
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Show Notes:
I don’t know if you’re like me in this way, but I love to sit around and picture the time that I am a grandmother. It’s something about the legacy that we are leaving right now, in the thick of motherhood and keeping the vision of me as a grandmother. It just keeps me going. Today, I am going to share a little secret. I have a note on my phone (in the Notes app) that I have been writing down all of the things that I don’t want to forget when I’m a grandma. Notes to myself, advice to myself that I will never forget and will hopefully be the grandma that I want to be someday. Today, I am going to share everything that I’ve written down in that little Notes app with you.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through below.
I want to start off by saying that I have been incredibly blessed with a mom and mother-in-law who are incredible grandmothers to our kids. It is not lost on me the immense gift that is because not all of my friends have that. So I dedicate this episode to them. Many of the things that I write in here have been inspired by them and the ways they have loved us well and taken care of us well.
There are also some things in here that I have learned from friends. “My parents do this” or “When I had a grandma, this happened.” Every time I hear that, I go to the Notes app on my phone and I jot it down. So I really think the heart behind that is, I don’t want to forget what it’s like in these little years of motherhood. I know that you can never really forget because once you live through this with small children, you know how hard it is. I do think that once you’re a few decades removed from it, it’s easy to forget just how intense it can be some days. So I have been logging the things that have been the most helpful to me so that I can hide them away in my heart, in my hopes and dreams of being an amazing grandmother one day. I know I’m not going to live up to all of these things. Life will change, seasons change, my body will change, but I will do my darndest to be an amazing grandma.
Side note: Have you thought about grandma names? Dear listener, I am asking you with no response because it’s just me in this microphone. But it’s something I do. I think about what my name may be when I am a grandma.The thing is that I probably won’t have any say in what my name is because my grandchildren will decide that for me one day. But here are a few fun ones to think about and then I’ll get into the Notes app.
Obviously there is Grandma Nancy and that’s great. I already have a grandma name and that’s where all of this is coming from. Nobody in my generation really has the name Nancy. It’s like everyone’s grandma had the name Nancy.
There’s also Nannie or Nana. Those are great grandma names. Then, there’s also Grantsy (you just combine Grandma and Nancy). How cute is that? “Going to visit Grantsy’s house.” Anyway, that was just something for fun.
Alright, a little disclaimer before I read a few of these. This is not a comprehensive list because I am going to keep adding to it. This is just the start of the list and encouragement for you to maybe start your own list as well. Also, this episode is not to be used in a passive aggressive manner to send to grandparents so they can be better grandparents. This is an episode for you to build the dream of the kind of grandparent (and grandma) you want to be one day. Also, this may be a fun date night topic for you and your husband.
Alright, let’s jump in. Here is my list of things that I don’t want to forget; things that I want to do when I’m a grandma.
1. Drop off meals when kids get sick. It can be a homemade meals or it can be Chick-Fil-A. Always bring the popsicles.
2. Fold the laundry in the dryer every chance you get. My mother-in-law does this and it blesses me so much. If she sees there are clothes in the dryer, she will just open up that door and start folding.
3. Support the parent always, even when it’s hard. As grandparents, it’s fun to bend the rules sometimes. I totally get it, but I really want to be the grandma that really supports what mom and dad want for their kids.
4. Be the grandma who invites them into whatever you’re doing, whether it’s cooking, gardening, knitting, cross-stitching, going on a walk. Be the grandma that just invites them into whatever activity you’re doing.
5. Let screens be for movie nights only.
6. Have fun crafts at the ready, always.
7. Take the kids to the Dollar Tree and give them $5-$10 to spend.
8. Have a library for the grandkids at your house with all of the best kids books available for borrowing, checking out, and returning. My dad and stepmom have a little library at their house, which is really cute. Milly loves to check out books from there.
9. If you can (this is a tough one), go into the house of sickness, clean the kitchen, take a child outside, fold, and cook. I wrote that one knowing that I might not feel comfortable doing it, but I also wrote it knowing how desperately lonely I was when I was sick and no one wanted to come into my house. I just don’t want to forget that.
10. As soon as one of your kids gets pregnant, begin prepping the house for babies. Buy a crib, get a monitor, get a white noise machine, buy a bouncer. Make your home so the new grandbaby will feel at home. Make it so kid-friendly that the grownup kids want to visit often. On that note (this isn’t in my notes), don’t have any strict rules about what you can and cannot touch, or don’t get all worked up about breaking something. Let it be a comfortable house that the kids feel free to be kids in.
I’m going to pause and say this is where the inspiration for this episode came from. Kate (Naptime Kitchen) posted the sweetest post about her parents and how as soon as the first grown child got pregnant, they immediately started making arrangements for their house to be kid friendly. They bought all of those things immediately (used versions of them or whatever) so that their house would be welcoming to their grandchildren. I love that! It’s like, “Yes we want to shower you with gifts, but we also want to make our home as comfortable and welcoming as possible for you to bring our grandbabies too.” I love that.
11. Have cousin camp every summer when the grandkids get old enough. This is inspired by something I saw online. Somebody that I follow, her grandparents do this every year. They rent a giant white tent, put it in their backyard and have cousin camp for a week and all of the grandkids come to stay with grandma and grandpa for a whole week during the summer. Then you get that time to do whatever you want as parents. That’s amazing! So epic! You can do different activities every day. No parents are allowed to spend the night. Then all the grandkids get to sleep outside with Grandpa Will and I love that idea. I haven't talked to Will about this (it’s just a note to me in my phone) so we’ll see about that. But isn’t that such a fun idea?
12. Pay for a vacation for the whole family every year. While you’re on the vacation, make sure that the ladies have a night out, make sure that the men have a night out, then have a game night for everyone, and an optional date night for whoever wants it. Just plan it in a way that it sounds so fun that everyone wants to be part of it. Different groups get to do different things and you kind of view yourself as the sponsors of the trip and the built-in babysitters. I love the idea of having an annual family vacation.
13. Offer to pay for marriage retreats and to take care of childcare for that marriage retreat one time a year for every couple. Remove every barrier for growth in marriage. I went on a retreat one time with someone that I had never met before. She said, “My parents have told me and my siblings that as soon as we get married, their gift to us and our marriage is a free marriage retreat every year. We get to choose the retreat and they provide the childcare.” i just love that so much because how hard is it to make time to do that? Man, I love that one. Okay, just a couple more.
14. Spend individual time with each grandchild on or around their birthday (and each grown child for that matter). Experiences over gifts. Even though the kids say they might want that plastic toy, they actually prefer adventuring together and spending quality time together.
That’s it! That is my list, my note to Grandma Nancy. So I hope this funny, fun episode encourages you to keep the end goal in mind here. We are building these families and these legacies in a way that we want our kids to come back. We want our kids to want to be around us and we want to know, disciple, and pour into our grandkids as well. So I hope this encourages you and I hope that it gives you some good ideas to tuck away. I hope maybe you start a note in your own phone that you can keep adding to. Who knows? Maybe in a few years, I’ll do a part two to this episode as I keep gathering more ideas. I hope it encourages you to keep the long game in mind and to be an awesome grandma one day.
I’m going to close with two things:
First, a hilarious thing I saw online from the Instagram account, The Mommy Talks. It’s an essay by an 8 year old about a grandmother and it is hilarious. I have to read it and then I’ll share a quote. The essay is this, written by an 8 year old:
“A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, so she likes other people’s little girls. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes on walks with the boys and they talk about fishing, tractors, and things like that. Grandmothers don’t have to do anything except be there. They’re old so they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is enough if they drive us to the shops where the pretend horse is and have lots of 5 cents ready. They are often fat, but not too fat to tie kid’s shoes. They wear funny glasses and funny underwear and they can take their teeth and gums off. Everyone should try to have one because grandmothers are the only grownups who have got time.”
Lastly, I am going to close with this sweet quote. I have no idea who wrote it (the internet told me it is by “Unknown). It says this,
“Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting.”
Thanks for listening and I’ll catch you next time.
