Work & Play Podcast Episode 123 - Why I'm Taking 6 Months Off of Social Media

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So I have decided to take six months off of social media. No Instagram, no Facebook, no Twitter, no social media. As soon as our fourth baby arrives, I'm going to be spending time with my family and friends in real life, being present and free myself from any obligation to post or share anything for six whole months. In today's podcast episode, I'm going to share more about why I'm doing this and why you might consider doing it, too.

For the full episode, hit play above or read through it below.

Six whole months off social media.

How does that sound to you? How does that make you feel? I've been wrestling with these questions a lot. What about a whole year off of social media? You feelin' a little bit of FOMO? I know I kind of already am, but I also know I'm really, really ready for this. Just for some context, when I say social media, what I really mean is Instagram, no doubt. I'm still including Facebook and Twitter in my break, and I do occasionally check in on both of those things, but if I'm honest, the real time consumer for me is just Instagram.

So why am I doing this? Well, there's a lot of reasons, several reasons, but in a nutshell, I know that my work and my play are going to be better for it. My family will be better for it. I will be better for it. And honestly, I'm just at the point where the cons feel like they're outweighing the pros. And so I'm ready for a break. I'm also realizing I'm the only one who can do something about this. I'm in charge of my life and the life that I want to live. And I'm truly the only one who can make this decision.

I might regret being on my phone too much, nursing my baby with littles around me. Sometimes I feel that regret even now, but I know I'm never going to regret putting my phone down for six months and being fully present with my family. So here's the deal. I don't want to bash Instagram. I really like Instagram. It's fun for me. It has been an amazing tool in my life. So I'm going to share with you all the things I love about Instagram, the pros, if you will.

It is a tool for connection. I have made some actual friends through this app that I really think will be with me the rest of my life—I'm not exaggerating—and I am so grateful for that.

As a photographer, I love that it's focused on photos. I'm such a visual person, and it can be incredibly moving and inspiring to see imagery that moves you. And even with all of the censoring and fact checking and craziness, that's going on in social media and big tech and all of that, it has still provided me with some really helpful information and encouragement and voices that have been grounding for me in the crazy political climate that we're in.

And it's been a place for me to hear voices of different opinions to say, "Hmm, okay. People out there believe like this. People out there are living like this." I think that that's good and healthy to know how a lot of different people are viewing different things in the world.

It's also been a huge financial blessing to us. It's a way to market your work freely, to market my podcast, to market other things. I've partnered with other businesses. I've been part of other business opportunities. I never would have had these opportunities if it weren't for Instagram, which means there really is for me a direct correlation between making money and being on Instagram.

Also, it's just fun. It is really fun for me to show up and share my life and encourage others in motherhood or in the Lord or in business.

It's a fun challenge for me to grow my Instagram followers. See what resonates, see what doesn't, to ask people, their opinions, to ask questions, to do those little polls. I feel like I'm constantly learning and growing. And I love that kind of stuff.

Then there's the opportunities it's provided that aren't strictly financial, but it's been so fun. Like all the free products that people have just sent to me because they like me, or they want me to try it. I've taken two completely paid for family vacations in exchange for me posting about it, which is amazing. That's crazy. Like what a blessing is that, and I would have never gotten that if it weren't for Instagram.

I've gotten really fancy top of the line makeup and hair products and baby stuff and diapers. And honestly, I'm kind of cheap. So I really love getting free stuff. It's great who doesn't love getting free stuff is great. And I can support businesses that I love and I want to support while getting free staff. It's amazing.

And then of course, when my photo went viral, I don't know. You might not know this story, but when I had my third baby, we were told it was a girl and it ended up being a boy. And my photo, my facial expression in that moment, I found out it was a boy went viral on Instagram and we laughed so much that week. I mean, we were being contacted by CBS this morning and Inside Edition and all these different places. It was a blast. And I would've never gotten that kind of exposure or had that experience without it. It was just fun.

So there's a lot of things that are great about Instagram. There's a lot of things that I love. It's honestly why I've stuck around and why I'll probably be back. I don't want to say a hundred percent for sure, but I'll probably be back.

It's good. It brings a lot of good things to us, into our lives, but in all of that and all of the good that there is to be found in Instagram and on social media, here are the things I'm not really loving about it these days. Why I really just need a break.

It has become a huge distraction from the things that matter in my life.

I find myself scrolling on Instagram at all times of day. I waste a lot of time on Instagram. I waste a lot of in-between time or downtime instead of facing my own emotions. I pick up my phone. I don't think that's healthy.

Friends in my own life that I deeply respect are slowly, one by one, stepping away from it. I'm seeing this trend. I don't know if you've seen this in your life or not. Maybe not. That's okay. But close friends in my life that I really admire and respect are saying, yeah, it's not for me anymore. The cons kind of outweigh the pros and I need to get connected with the Lord. I need to get connected with people in real life. I'm kind of done for right now.

I'm also just refusing to believe the lie that I need Instagram for my business. When I posted this the other week on Instagram saying that I was going to step away. So many people commented and said, I wish I could do the same, but my business relies on it, that my business is built on Instagram. And I just, I just kind of want to push back on that a little and say, really? There's no other way that you can build your business? I don't know. I'm going to try it. I'll talk about a couple of people who've done that successfully too, by the way in just a minute. But yeah, I'm just feeling like there's Instagram sells that to you. Like you have to be on Instagram, and not even Instagram—other people in the creative world are like, you have to be on Instagram to market yourself and to do it well.

And I just, I just want to challenge that by stepping away and saying, no, I'm just, I don't know that that's entirely true also in the political climate, going back to that, it's very heated. It's intense. It's kind of nasty on Instagram. And to be honest, it's not a true representation of America. I feel like people on social media are just out there. They're just, it's crazy. So I'll leave that at that.

Now we all know Instagram is just the worst for comparison. And when we look at other people's lives, it makes us feel less than, and so that's totally a factor in all of this. I think for me, I feel fairly confident and I don't feel like I compare myself a lot on Instagram, but it's more of something that goes on in the back of my mind. It's like subliminal messaging that I'm taking to heart that I just don't really need to think about how clean or organized my kitchen is when I'm just making a meal, I can just make a meal and be happy with how my kitchen is. You know what I mean?

Anyway, I think another reason why I just need to step away is I've just received some really difficult DMs, direct messages that have, I've just taken them pretty hard. Like they've been pretty, pretty much like an assault to my character and who I am and saying I'm hypocritical or saying different things, and I just care deeply about people and I care about how I come across and I've just, yeah, I'll, I'll leave that there.

But some things that have literally ruined days of my vacation, like my precious time with my family and here I am wallowing because I'm so upset by this DM. I don't need that. I do not need that. Like you are not in my family or on this vacation with me. I want to be present.

And it's amazing how one comment or one DM can just leave me reeling for like a day or a few days. And I know it's easy to say like, oh, it's just some stranger on the internet. They're not always strangers for one, some of these people I've known, and number two, even the strangers on the internet, words still matter, you know? I still take them to heart even though I shouldn't.

So yeah. That's another reason why I feel like I need to step away.

Now, one thing that's very important to note is the things that I'm not loving about Instagram right now that I just listed to you don't really have to do it the app itself, but my very own behaviors.

They're my own issues. It's how I interact with the app. I'm the one who's spending too much time on it. I'm the one that's doing the comparing. I'm the one that isn't managing my time well. I'm the one that picks up my phone when I'm tired. I'm the one that's following these different political things or reading about them on Instagram.

I, this is me. This is, I am not blaming Instagram. I think it's really important for us to own up to the fact that this is not the app as much as it is us, it's me. But I'll be honest, I don't like the person that I am when I spend that much time on the app. I get very frustrated with myself when all of a sudden it's 11:00 PM at night and I've been scrolling for too long and I haven't taken a bath or read a book or done things that really would have helped me.

I could have tackled some home project, but I was zoning out on my phone instead. I just don't like it. That when I'm tired, that's my default. My default is to go to this addiction and mindlessly open Instagram without even realizing it.

So while those are my own choices and my behaviors, it's also important to realize that the app was designed to be addictive.

One of the earlier episodes of my podcast is called three habits to put social media in its place. It's episode 12. You can always find my really old episodes by going to my website, nancyray.com/podcast/12. And I talk about the addictive nature of the app. On the episode, how the endless scroll was designed to keep you on the app. It's like you never, ever reached the bottom. That is a feature they designed to make it addictive. The like button, it was designed to give you positive feedback, give you a dopamine hit, make you excited that somebody likes something you posted and then create a desire for more and more likes. The algorithms are designed to produce the things that you want to see so that you like what you see and you want to come back to see more. The ads that you see are designed to put things in front of you that you like, that you'll buy, that you'll want more of.

And all in all I'm realizing, yes, I need to get control of my own behaviors and interactions. And I need to do that again and again and again, because it keeps changing. Lives keep changing. Our technology keeps changing. This app keeps changing and it gets more and more addictive. But honestly right now, for me in my life, the best way to do this is just to take a long break. I need a reset.

When I think about this, I just think about my life in general. And I just want to be outside more.

I want to connect with my actual family and friends in real life a lot more. And I'm seeing a trend. A lot of my friends are feeling the same way. Not all of them. I have a few friends who love it and it's part of their job to do it. And they, they're all in with the app. But a lot of my friends, my close dear friends, they're feeling like they just need a break or they want to get away from it altogether.

Couple of examples, my best friend and sister-in-law Sam who was on Episode 114 with me, has taken this entire year off Instagram. My best friend and sister-in-law, Jess is taking off the rest of this year. We both decided to do it at the same time without even knowing it, and we were hanging out over lunch the other day and we started talking about how we're taking six months off Instagram. And we were like, no way, Hey, me too, you too. Oh, wow. And then we started talking about why. And we were like, yes, like that's exactly how I feel.

My friend Reagan, who I had on the podcast for her year long Contentment Challenge towards the end of last year, gave it up for an entire year. My friend, Valerie Kinsley, who I've followed a long time on Instagram, she's taken three months off and I was talking to the other day. And she was like, I don't know that I'm ever going to come back. My life feels so much better.

Now Graham Cochrane, my business coach. He gave it up for an entire year, I think April of 2020 to April, 2021. And he's not sure he's coming back. He did a whole podcast episode on why he did this and I'll leave the link to that in the show notes, because it was really good. I mean, he talks about why he did it and how amazing it was and how he's learning to grow his business, which by the way, is an entirely online business that makes seven figures. Yes, seven figures. And he doesn't use social media. So let that sit with you for a second.

Shanna Skidmore, another business coach of mine that I look up to immensely has been off of social media for many years. She'll kind of pop back on and then just get back off. Cause she doesn't know, they just had their first baby and she's, they're doing great. Like financially her business, her whole thing is you can run an online business without being on social media. She has some blog posts about it, really interesting. And you know, you just figure out ways to make it work. You can make an income and you can make it work.

And after watching Graham and Shanna do it successfully, and then also kind of hearing some of my dear friends stepping away, I'm like, okay, I'm listening, I'm watching. And I've, I've been listening and I've been watching. And at the point now where I'm, I'm ready to do the same thing. So the other day I kind of talked about it on Instagram.

And so many people resonated with my desire to leave for a little bit. A lot of people commented on my Instagram posts and interacted with me on DMs, just saying like, oh my gosh, you feel the same way? I don't like the way that I'm interacting with this app anymore. So I know I'm not alone in this.

And a lot of people are asking, "Hey, where can I find you? If you're not going to be on social media? Where can I find you?" And the answer honestly is here, it's the podcast. While I will be taking a two month break after the baby's born, I'm going to be back for the rest of the year. Some of them are going to be old reruns of the most popular episodes that you may have missed or that are worth listening to again, others are going to be fresh content that I've already recorded. And then if you don't listen to my podcast or maybe you just listen to it sporadically and you want regular stuff for me, I think the next place is my email list. I don't send a ton emails out. I send out one email a month and I'll get back to that after I get back from maternity leave.

So it's like a little newsletter of sorts and it is a great way for me to keep in touch with the people who want to hear from me. And you can always sign up for that by going to nancyray.com/emails. And the last place is my blog. I love blogging, I really do. I love blogging. Have I been blogging really at all in the last three years? Not really. Nope. If I'm honest, I wish it could be, but this podcast really takes up all of my work time that I have, or not even work time, but just like all of the time that I want to dedicate to interacting with people right now. And I just, yeah, I just don't have the capacity or time to blog with kids and being pregnant and needing sleep and all that stuff.

But I'm really wondering if my energy and desire for blogging will return once social media is out of my life. It might be a good outlet for me. Writing, taking pictures, which I love to do, and kind of just giving myself permission to blog or not blog or do whatever I want over the next six months.

So I'm just gonna say, we'll just have to wait and see, not sure if I'm going to blog, but I think it might be a good way to stay in touch with me, but the podcast, my email list, my blog, those are the three places where you could still find me while I'm off social media. So after six months, after 2021 is over, what is my plan? I don't know.

I might leave social media altogether. I might come back and be very inspired and like excited about it. I might flip my time I spend on it right now. I take one week off of social media every month. I might flip that I might only engage on so social media one week a month and then take three weeks off or maybe one day a month or maybe not at all.

No, I have no idea. What I do know is the next six months, I'm going to listen to the Lord about this. I am just going to focus on my relationship with Him and all of the time that I used to fill my brain with this app, it's going to be vacant and time spent with listening to him and doing other things that I'd rather be doing.

I'm going to spend my downtime tackling home projects or using that time to close my eyes and rest or snuggle my new baby, or go outside and take a walk or read two or three pages in a book when I'm nursing my baby, I'm not going to be scrolling at all. I'm going to be focused or I'm just going to close my eyes to rest.

And honestly I'll probably be like breaking up fights with the big kids while trying to nurse my baby and manage everything that's going on around me. But you know what? That's a gift to all of us, an undistracted moment where I can do those things.

And I'll be honest. I'm probably going to have some FOMO. I'm probably going to be sad for a little bit. I'm going to be sad to miss the opportunities that I know I'll have, the partnerships, the financial gains, whatever. I'm going to be sad to miss some of those, but I'm letting go of some of those opportunities to make money and build my following because the pros outweigh the cons and I'm more excited than ever to have this time and space to breathe in my real life and be really present during the season.

I want to close with these thoughts. Overall, I'm a both/and kind of person. I believe and have been striving for a way to incorporate both social media and living a present healthy life. I think it's possible. I think it's achievable, but sometimes I believe you need a reset, a hard break from things and Instagram has just changed so much. So I personally, I just need the reset. It might be permanent. It might not. I don't know, but I'm just going to have my hands open and see how I feel towards the end of six months.

A few books on technology that I wanted to leave you as I close this episode that have really transformed my thinking about this and help me a lot is The Tech-Wise Family. An excellent, excellent book. If you have kids, you have to read this book, The Tech-Wise Family and Digital Minimalism, both of them are so good. I have an episode on Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. I'll leave that episode in the show notes as well, but that's it.

I would love to hear from you. If you feel the same way, you can always reach out to me via email, nancy@nancyray.com. But I'm so grateful for you. I'm so grateful to have you as a listener, and I'm grateful for your patience with me as I take this break.

Thank you for listening to episode 123 of work in plate with Nancy Ray, Nancy Ray dot com slash integrated life is where you can find everything you need to know about my new audio course that will be available for today only.

This is the last day you can buy it. So if you're listening to this episode late, I'm so sorry, but you can still go to that URL and sign up for the wait list so you can be on it when it re-releases.

You can find me at nancyray.com, and as of this episode, I'm going to stop saying, follow me @Nancyray on Instagram almost daily, because I'm not going to be there for six months. So if you want to go to Instagram and find my old content, that's totally fine, but I will not be there daily. I will maybe be back in 2022. I'm not sure. We'll see.

I'm going to close with a quote from Andy Crouch, the author of Tech-Wise Family. He says,