Covid Part 1: Not much has changed for us

Covid Part 1: Not much has changed for us.

I haven’t wanted to share my thoughts because everyone already is. Covid-19 rants are everywhere, and it feels LOUD. But I do have some thoughts, and if I’m honest, I’m sharing them now more for me than for you. I want to remember this weirdo experience, and I want to write out what’s going on in my heart and my head, and I want to do it in real time. So here we are, in the 2nd week of the nationwide quarantine, where we have been encouraged to not gather in groups over 10 people. Most of us aren’t gathering at all. Churches are online, all restaurants have been closed, and I legit had a “family dinner” via zoom with Will’s family, which was so sweet and hilarious and crazy. Honestly, it’s a memory I’m glad we made during this craziness.

To be honest, I feel like not a ton has changed for us. We’ve been social distancing on and off since sometime in November with all of our little sickies (we’ve been sick a lot this winter), and I’m already home with them most of the time, and I think a lot of mamas of littles might feel the same. Some days I’m kinda like, “Yay! The world has joined me! I've been so lonely and now we can all feel lonely together, therefore not feeling so lonely!”

The little work I do already happens from home or online.  Don’t get me wrong : I do miss preschool and my occasional trip to the gym, but I can be pretty darn good at isolating with or without Covid 19 with my kids being so little and so very needy of their mama.

So, I’m realizing some things about myself with this mandatory social distancing:

I do need to get out more. Honestly, I do.

I need to invest more in face to face time with friends, even with the kids running around at our feet.

I need to go to more parks and get outside.

I need to be around humanity more often. Fast casual restaurants, goodberries, the gym : all acceptable.

These are all normal things that I just don’t do very often. While the world is in upheaval because people are losing their businesses, their livelihoods, their rhythms, their childcare / schools, their ability to get out of the house and do their normal thing, I am eternally grateful that my life has not changed all that much. I do NOT take that lightly.

But I’m also feeling a certain rub in my spirit and am asking myself questions that are good : “Is that a good thing… that this is not so different from normal for me? Why am I so isolated? What needs to change here?” I’m also praying that God would give me empathy for those around me whose lives have been completely shaken by it all. That I would have eyes to see them and that I would find ways to encourage them and love them in it.

On the note of isolating: I was listening to a podcast (risen motherhood ep. 156) and they had on a few women to share experiences about loneliness and friendship in motherhood. Jennie Allen shared that for some reason, we often take on this victim mentality as mamas. We are bound to our kids schedules and needs, and there’s really no way to care for ourselves in it all. And one of the areas that suffers the most is friendships. It’s so hard to make space for friends when your life feels consumed by tiny people. 

A to the MEN.

🙋🏼‍♀️

But then she turns all mama bear on you and says (my paraphrase, by the way): “You have to fight for your friendships and quit the victim mentality. You have to realize your life and your sanity depend on it. Friendships are everything. Make the appointment. Share a babysitter and split the fee so you can go get coffee. Commit to meeting together once a week for 6 months. Then get to the good stuff. Don’t put it off - talk about your marriage, how you’re struggling, and what is actually going on.” 

I need to do this.

For 12 years I’ve busied myself with a successful business, ministry, my marriage, and raising 3 kids. Now that the business is off the table and ministry is on pause because we are searching for our new church home, I’m realizing that I’ve really let the whole friendship thing take the backseat. I wish that weren’t the case, but I’m feeling it. Bigtime. And I needed that mama bear pep talk. (Thanks Jennie 😉)

I’m so very thankful for the friends I do have in my life, and I’m thankful this crazy Covid social distancing thing is making me stop and think about how not much has changed, and maybe it should have. Maybe this should have been a bigger change for me. 

No matter what, I think it’s good to stop and think about these things. Whether it’s right or wrong or just the season I’m in, I’m ready to come out of this quarantine with a readiness to change the things about my life I want and need to change.

For Part 1, I think I’m just going to end there. No pretty bow, no final thoughts. Just thinking. I’ll be back tomorrow with some more thinking and more words.