203 - Small Play
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So we all know that play is such an important part of our lives. It's easy to talk about work all the time, and it's a little bit more difficult as we get older to talk about play and incorporate play into our lives. But what I found out is it's so important to do it in small ways every day. If you can incorporate small play into your life on a daily basis, it really makes your lives and your work that much better. And that is what we are talking about in today's episode.
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So I wanna start this episode just by reminding you the different aspects of play and what it does for us. It's so easy to talk about work and how to have a more productive day or how to organize our time around work and get the most out of work. And I'm here for that. I love that.
I, y'all know, I'm a three on the Enneagram. I love to achieve, I love to be efficient and productive with my work in my home, with my work outside the home. It, you know, if I'm cleaning out the kids' drawers, it doesn't matter what kinda work I'm doing, I want it to be done well.
But there is an aspect of our lives that brings so much fulfillment and so much joy that we can neglect so easily if we just focus on work all the time. And that's playing and it's so important.
I'm just gonna get this outta the way. It's so important to plan a vacation and to even plan a really fun outing, to go to a concert, to see a movie, to go to the beach for a day, to spend an afternoon doing something fun. But that's not what I'm talking about today. I'm not talking about even an hour of play. All I wanna talk about today is finding or making time for small play, for 10 minutes of play here and there for incorporating more playful things in life every day and talking about the amazing benefits of that and how much more joyful and enjoyable life is.
So first, let's talk about play. I have this book that I read a couple years ago. It's literally called Play. It's by Stuart Brown. And he describes play, he said, it's hard to put like a concrete definition on play, but there's a lot of different attributes of play that are important to acknowledge.
Okay, so this isn't like a definition, but these are like bullet points of what is play marked by, like how is play defined? And this is what he says. He says it's apparently purposeless. There's not like a purpose to it other than just enjoying it. It's voluntary, you wanna do it. There's inherent attraction, like it's something that you are attracted to doing. It's, there's freedom from time.
So like if you think about a kid playing, they just lose all concept of time. They're just deep into playing and, and same as adults. If we really love what we're doing, you just kinda lose track of time when you're really playing. There's a diminished consciousness of self, which I love to think about that personally. When you're playing, you're not thinking so much about yourself as you are, what you're doing and how you're enjoying what you're doing.
And there's improvisational potential. That's a mouthful. But that just means that you can improvise while you're playing. You can throw out one idea and try something new. There's freedom to try new things and there's not so much pressure or so much structure. There's always the potential to improvise in any situation with playing.
You're building a fort in the woods, okay, that didn't work, let's throw that out and let's try this thing. Oh, let's move locations. You're just improvising and kind of you're, you're playful and you're changing your mind and that's a good thing. And then the last thing he says that play is marked by is continuation desire.
These are fancy scientific words, but it's just the desire to continue. You just don't wanna stop. You're just having fun. You don't want it to end because you're having so much fun. So those are the markers of play. Now there are a lot of benefits to play you. You could tell me the benefits to play in your own life. We all can. We know that life is more enjoyable and you just look forward to doing the things that you wanna do when you're playing.
Like what, whatever your hobby is, you look forward to it. It brings a lot of joy, it makes you a better person. You're just easier to get along with when you have things that make you happy that you wanna do, that you're spending your time doing. And anyone who lives a life without any play, just not really fun to be around, you don't wanna be around them.
You wanna be around people who are enjoying God's creation, who are enjoying God, who are enjoying the world around them, who are learning new skills and trying new things. But a couple of more sciencey benefits of play is it actually stimulates your brain in ways you might not think.
So there's two parts to your brain that play actually helps. Number one is your amygdala. And when you're playing, your amygdala has time to process emotions. Isn't that so interesting? Makes sense. But it's just, there's scientific proof that play actually helps your brain, it helps you process emotions, it helps you process trauma in your life.
The second thing is it helps your prefrontal cortex, which is like the front part of your brain, which is where you have all of your decision making abilities and it helps you play, helps you execute decisions well. So you can see how play is helping your work. It is helping you be a better person. There's so many benefits to play in our lives, but it helps your brain heal and process things that have happened to you or process decisions that you need to make.
It helps you just win and lose better in life. You think about playing a game, whether it's a soccer game or a board game, and it helps you understand winning and losing with like not a lot of pressure. The other day we had friends come over, actually it was so fun. We had them over for a whole weekend, ome dear friends of ours, Cheyenne and Jeff and their four kids. It was the most brilliant thing I feel like we've ever done as friends. But we had them over as basically a giant sleepover, spend the night with adult supervision the entire time. And it was awesome. Like we all hung out together the whole weekend.
Anyway, our favorite game to play, eight kids between us, four adults was charades. And we all got to play. We all took turns. It was so fun. But what was so interesting that we realized was when it wasn't your turn and someone, the other team was going and they were trying to guess when it wasn't your turn, it was so much easier to guess what that person was acting out.
And we all looked at each other and we're like, why is it so much easier? It's like you look at the other team, you're like, come on, can't you get it? But the other team is so stuck and they're like, I don't understand. Like what? What is that thing? And it's because the pressure's off, like when there's not the pressure of getting it right and you're just doing it for pure fun, the other team more easily gets it because it's like your brain makes these connections a lot easier because it's not trying so hard.
And I think that translates into this example of play when we don't have the pressure of work or the pressure of doing something and we're just doing it for the pure fun of it, our brain can make these connections and heal or process things or come up with new ideas or get things faster because there's not the the time pressure or the work pressure or any kind of pressure. So anyway, that's just an aside that it's like real life example we were talking about this weekend. Like, okay, it's so nice to not have the pressure and it's amazing how our brains seem to get it faster when we're not under pressure.
So, so many benefits of play. Now going back to what this episode is all about, I want you to think about how you can play small and not play small in the way that's like play small because you're not showing up and you're insecure or fearful. Not that, but you know what I mean. I want you to, I think that's why I titled this episode Small Play. It's not playing small. I want you to have small amounts of play scattered throughout your life and scattered throughout your day and see what kind of benefit it brings to your life. And I'm gonna leave you with a few examples in my own life that I've been trying to do much more often. And to be honest, it's hard. It is hard for me to do some of these things.
It is much easier for me to get in work mode and knock stuff out than it is to just relax and play. And I know that about my personality and I know that's a weakness and a strength as we all have those weaknesses and strengths. But if you're anything like me and you feel like it's easier to work and it's really hard to just shut that off and just play for the sake of playing,
I just encourage you to start with small play and see where that takes you. So there's two categories I'm gonna leave you with. The first is ways that you can play in 10 minute increments of time. And then the second category is gonna just be how to incorporate play as a part of your daily work so that your life, your work, what you're doing, your routines are just more fun.
So here's some examples of 10-minute play. First. I've talked about this on this podcast long time ago. I'll try to find the link and leave it in the show notes, but try to spend 10 minutes of play with each of your kids individually. I took a course a while ago called Positive Parenting Solutions. She calls it mind, body, soul time.
You put your phone away, you set a timer and you say, I am all yours. Let's do whatever you want. You get to choose and we have some boundaries on it. We can't watch tv, we can't, I mean, my kids would watch, I feel like any chance they got, but that's not like playing. It can't be all the kids at once. It has to be individual one-on-one time with mom and each child.
And at 10 minutes we give each other a hug and we say, thank you so much for playing and it's over because that 10-minute marker is helpful, at least for me to feel like I can keep doing the things that I need to do in the home and for the day. So anyway,
10 minute mind, body, soul time for each kid. The rules are they get to choose what to do and they get mom's undivided attention for that much time. Let me just warn you and say that it feels like an eternity the first time you do this. It feels like it lasts so long and it's the most special thing that you can do for your kid in a day. It's so sweet, so simple, so fun. You could even give them a couple of ideas if they have no idea what they wanna do. We could pretend family, we could have a tea party, we can read a book together, we could paint together, we can color together. You know, you can give them some ideas, but it is just so sweet to see how different each child is and to give them your undivided attention.
Another idea for 10-minute play is simply taking a walk or moving your body in a different way. A lot of times it's really hard, especially if you have a job where you're sitting at the computer a lot, it's a, it's really difficult to incorporate play into that kind of work. And if you can just move your body in some way, it'll snap you out of it.
If you really wanna have fun with it, try like a Zumba class on YouTube. You feel like the biggest dork in the world, but it's fun. It's just a simple way of like 10 minutes of moving your body laughing, being really silly, cutting up for like 10 minutes and then you can go right back to whatever you're doing.
Another way that Will and I just love to kind of mindlessly hang out outside, move our bodies is just throw Frisbee back and forth to each other. We have these Frisbees called active flyers and we love to throw the Frisbee with the kids or just each other in the backyard. It's simple. There's no purpose to it, but it's just fun and you do kind of feel this freedom from time. You're just kind of doing it for fun.
Okay, another idea for 10-minute play is just have some easy fast games on hand. So a couple of games that come to my mind that you can complete in about 10 minutes, maybe a little longer, is Sequence or Bananagrams, something that is just quick. Dutch Blitz is another fun one that's a really fast paced game. Might take a little bit longer, but you also can just do as many or as little rounds as you want. Just finding some games that are fun that you can do in about 10 minutes’ time.
And then my favorite is just to find a really good fiction book, A novel, something that sweeps you away into another world. You just read 10 minutes of that before you go to bed every night. It is lovely, and it's really just been my favorite thing ever, especially in the last year. I have read non-fiction books for decades and now I'm really getting into fiction and I am loving it and it's so much fun.
Okay, let's talk about how to incorporate play into work into your routines that you already have to do just to keep life going. One thing that we've been doing recently that has made dinner prep more enjoyable is playing trivia during dinner prep. And so we have an Alexa and we just say, Alexa play trivia, and she'll just ask questions. There's also a kids' trivia version and that just kind of keeps us on our toes, distracts us, makes us have more fun while we're making dinner.
When my kids are playing outside, one thing that I have tried to do to make their playtime, my playtime, which is hard because usually I send 'em outside a play so that I can, you know, fold the laundry or do the dishes or prep something or answer some emails and that's like my time to get stuff done. But I've really been trying to enjoy outside time with them at least a little bit.
And I'll just try to get the shoes off of my feet and put my feet in the grass and grab my book and read for 10 minutes, whatever that fiction book is that I'm enjoying. Just 10 minutes of reading time with my bare feet in the grass makes me feel like I am having fun too. Just for me. You know, there's that phrase, stop and smell the roses. And it's so cliche we hear it all the time, but I do think there's something to it. Talking about just adding play into your life. Like you can go on a walk to burn calories and get a mile in or do whatever, get your steps that you need to do, but you could also take a walk and really take it to just enjoy life and enjoy creation all around you. It's more about stopping and savoring wherever you are.
So just remember that really to stop and smell the roses as cheesy as it is with whatever you're doing. Just savoring whatever it is that you're doing. Even this morning, quick example, as I am writing the notes for this podcast, I'm sitting outside trying to let the kids play, but I'm sitting outside with them and I'm trying to do my work and Benji comes up and demands that he has to have my pen.
And so he takes it from me and he starts writing all over my notes for this podcast and I was like, Benji, please, I need to get this. So I take it from him. He starts screaming, crying, then he takes it back and I pause and I realize this is such a little thing, but he's been using his left hand for everything.
I'm like convinced he's a lefty. He eats with his left hand, he does everything with his left hand, and he takes my pen and starts writing with perfect, like a perfect pencil grip with his right hand. And I just stop and look at him. I'm like, are you serious? Are you really gonna be right-handed? After all of this, you do everything with your left hand. And he's two, so he doesn't draw with a pen hardly ever. Like markers and crayons. Yeah, but never like a pen. So he took my pen, he's drawing, and I just stop and I'm thinking about what I'm writing down about this episode, and I just decide to let him scribble on my sheet and I just am watching him just saying, this is a sweet moment for me as a mom to realize, oh, kids are always surprising me. He's always gonna be surprising me. This is not, I thought that for sure he'd be a lefty. Now he's probably gonna be a righty. I even tried to switch it to his left hand and he could not hold it the same way.
And I was like, wow, this is amazing. I'm always surprised by my kids. And instead of letting it be a frustrating moment where I was angry at him, I mean at first I kind of was annoyed, but I just said, I'm gonna stop and savor what this is, which is me just discovering something new about my kid. And then I went and got him his own sheet of paper and pen and he just wrote right next to me while I finished prepping for the podcast.
So just thinking about ways to stop and savor whatever it is that you're doing. Another way that we've just tried to make chores more fun is adding music. Just adding some sort of upbeat song to whatever it is you're doing. Every night after we have dinner and we all clear the table together, we will put on some sort of fun dance party type music, whether it's the Trolls soundtrack or whether it's September, Earth, Wind and Fire, or whatever. Just any kind of groovy dance music. We'll do that and we'll sure enough, we'll all like just kind of be dancing as we're taking our dishes to the sink, which is just fun. Like we used to not do that. It used to be like, guys, come on, clear the table. Help us, help us. You're not doing it. And they're like trying to get out of their job of clearing the table and we just put on music and it's like, oh, everybody's way more happy to jump in and help.
Okay, last thing I'm gonna share is just timing yourself, like making a game out of any kind of chore. This is my favorite thing to do when I feel like I am so frustrated in such a slog and the kitchen is a mess and the living room's a mess and the home school room’s a mess, and our bedroom is a disaster and there's so much laundry to fold.
And the playroom, I don't even wanna talk about the playroom, it's just so out of control. What I will do is I will set a timer and I will just get as much done in each room as I can for five minutes. And I'll put on my tennis shoes for this. I will tie them up, I'll get some water and a snack.
I will be like, okay, the next 3–5 minutes, get my undivided attention. I'm not gonna answer a text, I'm not gonna look at anything. I'm going to dominate this house. And I'm setting a timer for five minutes in every room. My sister taught me this and it has been the most brilliant house pickup if I just wanna do a big pickup.
Now you can involve your family too. You can say, guys, we are gonna clean this house up together and we only have five minutes in each room and in 30 minutes the whole house is gonna be clean, we're gonna be done, and we can go do something fun. Just try it. It is so great. I love the Time timer. It's something you can get on Amazon. I can leave a link in the show notes. It is so brilliant because it's a visual timer for your kids. It works with chores, but it really just helps me. I love the time timer because I love to see how much time I've got and I just give it my all. I get everything I can.
And when that timer goes off, I say, okay, done. Let's go to the next room. And you'll be surprised at how much fun it is and how much you can get done. So that's more about incorporating play and work together.
But I just wanna encourage you today, take time for small play. Find those little bits of time or create them, put them in your schedule, incorporate play into the things that you do every day because the benefits are truly amazing. And of course, take the time to rest. Once a week, take the time to Sabbath, take the time to go on vacation with your families. Take the time to plan really adventurous, fun outings. But every single day, you can incorporate play just as easily and have a better life for it.
And I'm gonna close today with words from Stuart Brown who wrote the book Play. And he says:
“Play is how we are made, how we develop and adjust to change. It can foster innovation and lead to multi-billion dollar fortunes, but in the end, the most significant aspect of play is that it allows us to express our joy and connect most deeply with the best in ourselves and in others.”
Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next time.
