145 - My 6 Month Break From Social Media

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Show Notes:

For the last six months, I've taken a break from social media and it has been so good. Today, I’m going to give you an update on how I liked it, what I missed, the best lessons I learned and how I'm going to do things differently when I come back. This is a topic I'm passionate about; I strongly believe we can't just let technology into our lives without being extremely thoughtful about it.

Because I want to leave you with my heart and my thoughts from my own experience, along with some practical tips on how to use social media rightly in our lives, and what rhythms did I replace social media—with and all that good practical stuff, I've actually decided to separate this into a two-part series. So this is going to be part one, which is the “heart” part of it—lessons, all about what I've learned and next week is going to be the practical side of it, and I'm going to have a special guest (and I'm really excited about that!).

Now, before I jump into part one, I want to let you know about my special guest and an amazing live webinar that she's teaching on February 17th. Her name is Shanna Skidmore. I admire her SO much. I have learned so much from her and she actually runs her entire business without social media and it's for creative entrepreneurs—in a space that you would really think she should maybe be on social media. And one of the comments I get all the time is, oh, you know, I wish I could take a break from social, but my work depends on it, or I can never take a break from social media because it's directly tied to my income, or I'd leave it if I could, but I can't because my work depends on it.

My friend Shanna has kind of challenged that thought and has been a trailblazer and honestly, such an example to me on how to run a successful business that's profitable without social media, or if you'd rather—with limited social media.

Now, the webinar is called The Art of Six Figures: How to Build a Thriving Business on Your Own Terms. And that's the point! It's building a business that you love, and engaging with your work and with social media on your terms, with healthy boundaries and clarity.

Okay, I could literally talk about this all day because I love her. I've learned so much from her. And I think she answers a question a lot of creatives are wondering, which is how you can do this. So I wanted to share this resource with you! You can sign up right here!

Also—spoiler alert—Shanna and I are going to be teaming up for something really good about this topic and about her webinar. So if you want to be in the know, be sure you're on my email list, and I'll be sure to tell you there or tune in next week and you'll learn a little bit more about it then, as well.

For the full episode, hit play above or read through it below.

This is it. I'm back! Benji is six months old and y’all—he’s just such a little delight. I love him so much. I have successfully taken six months off of social media and off of work and I'm back and it feels good. It feels good to be back, but I'm also back in a different way.

My capacity has grown for my family. I’m now a mom of four and I'm being very careful and strategic with my “yeses” for work, but I'm happy. I'm grateful to be back to work ‘cause I really do love this work. I love this podcast. I love the work I'm doing. It's really fulfilling for me. And part of my work has been social media, so it's been an interesting challenge to learn how this tool can be used effectively in my work without taking from me.

So I'm going to kind of review how I liked it, what I missed, the best lessons I learned and kind of how I'm going to do things differently from here on out.

So, first of all, how did I like my break from social media?

I'm going to be honest. I loved it. I loved it. I loved not reaching for my phone so much. I loved missing out on other people's lives. I loved being more present with my kids. I loved enjoying the first six months of my baby's life. I got better sleep at night. I loved enjoying things for me, feeling like I didn't have to post and share about everything in my life. I felt less anxious. I loved it. And you know, if you've listened to Episode 135, (I don't mean to be redundant. You can go back and listen to that—I actually gave an update on my break from social media, kind of in the middle of it. And so you can go to episode 135 to listen to more of an in-depth update on how much I loved it and the things that I was learning from it overall) I highly recommend it and I really feel more in touch with who I am. I feel closer to the Lord and I'm really grateful for the break.

Okay. So what did I miss about social media? I missed constant updates from friends and family people. I cared about people whose work I cared about. You know, it's really a blessing to be able to stay so in touch with people, just from the touch of your phone, like getting into this app and you can really see what's going on in people's lives. This is kind of an interesting thing, but as someone who was a photographer, I really missed taking better photos with my phone. I realized I got really lazy with taking pictures. Like I got really lazy.

I didn't compose pretty pictures on my phone. I didn't really care about editing them because I didn't have the thought like, oh, I'm going to post this, which obviously makes me want to make them pretty. And I'm a photographer, so that's important to me. So then, you know, this is good and bad. I missed taking prettier pictures, but it also was good because, you know, I didn't worry so much about documenting every single moment and instead I just was there. I was present in the moment, which was nice.

Okay. Here's one thing that I just completely missed: I missed out on the growth of reels. Like what in the world? Instagram is SO different now than it was six months ago. Six months ago! Okay. So reels were a thing then like they were there, but now they are the thing. Like I scroll my Instagram feed and I'm like, What? This, okay, this is, it's all reels! And honestly, I'm not really loving it. I kind of am like overwhelmed by it a little bit. I'm kind of annoyed with people just copying each other and doing all the same things.

I don't know that I have the energy to get into reels. Maybe I'll try it. I don't know. I just, I think I'm still getting used to it. Maybe I sound old saying this, but that's just like, what a break from Instagram did. I just was like, wow, it just reminded me of how quickly technology changes.

Okay, what I really want to spend time on in this episode is the lessons that I learned, and this is the heart of the episode because I don't want to forget these lessons. They were really important lessons to learn. And then I want to share kind of what I'm doing when I get back or as I come back to social media.

Okay, so the best lessons I learned, I'm really going to just share first that it's so important for me to be grounded in who I am, to do things for myself and my family first. And I cannot forget that I have to live that way as an influencer on Instagram. Instagram has this way of like creeping into your mind in the background, kind of all the time. And I have learned through this break just to silence that noise. That was not a thing that I even thought about, which was wonderful. I did think about it at first, but then it just kind of over time disappeared. And I've learned, I have to spend time with the Lord. I have to spend time with Him privately, I have to pray, I have to work out and move my body, I need to read books that sharpen my mind and who I am, I need to play with the kids, I need to teach my kids, I want to do all of this and I need to be okay with it all being quiet and private and never being seen by anybody without any kind of record being made.

And that's enough. That's enough just to live a beautiful, quiet life without anyone ever seeing what I'm doing—that’s enough. And that felt so important and so good for me to learn that lesson. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 was a verse that just gave me so much life. And it says this,

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. You should mind your own business and work with your hands just as we told you so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders. And so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”

My private life always wins. My family always wins. My faith always wins. And taking this break has reminded me of that truth and that importance that if the phone that I keep reaching for is taking away from those things, it has to go. So, I’m going to go back to Instagram, but I have no problem just like quitting it again if I need to. And I think that lesson is something I want to hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. Things that I've known to be true, but they just became very, very clear to me.

The second lesson that I learned is the default mode network. Okay. Sit tight. Hang with me. I'm going to explain what that is, but my brain spent so much more time in the Default Mode Network and in a weird way, I feel like my brain healed. This sounds so weird, but stick with me.

I know this is weirdo-dorky-science-talk, but also it's something God has been teaching me and showing me a lot about in the last year or two. You might remember me talking about it way back in Episode 42 when I read Caroline Leaf's book Switch on Your Brain and talked about it. It was the first time I'd ever learned about it, but it popped up again even as I began to read this month's book club book, The Self-driven Child, they talked about the default mode network.

So here's what it is: the Default Mode Network is when our brain isn't doing anything, we're not having a conversation, we’re not listening to a podcast, we’re not grabbing our phones and looking at social media, we're not engaging really in anything on any level. It's when your brain is in a resting state. It sometimes feels like boredom, okay? We're just like sitting there thinking about life. Here's what's interesting, the default mode network was discovered at the turn of the 21st century. Scientists were studying brain activity, but they discovered that when your brain is in this resting state, there is this complex and highly integrated network that only activates when we're doing nothing.

This is the Default Mode Network. It's often active when we're just thinking about the past, the future, ourselves, others, our interactions from the day, just letting our minds kind of wander and process. It activates when we daydream, when we sit and we're waiting somewhere, when we meditate, when we lie in bed before going to sleep, you get the picture.

It's like the system of our brain for just kind of self-reflection and processing. It's how our brain processes life. Get these words that I literally just read from The Self-driven Child, which obviously I'll do a podcast about that at the end of this month or early next month, but this is what it said:

“A healthy Default Mode Network is necessary for the human brain to rejuvenate, store information in more permanent locations, gain perspective, process complicated ideas, and be truly creative. It has also been linked in young people to the development of a strong sense of identity and a capacity for empathy.” Then it goes on to say, “Scientists are concerned that because of technology's ubiquity, young people have too few opportunities to activate their Default Mode Network. And as a result, too few opportunities for self reflection.”

So let that sink in. This is one of my greatest takeaways from being off social media for six months—my brain was hungry for Default Mode Network time. We're not giving ourselves enough time to just process life, to have original thoughts, to think, to feel, to like, just be! It's one of the greatest things I learned from this break. Honestly, I almost named this episode of the podcast Default Mode Network, which is so cheesy and weird, and people would have like skimmed the podcast and been like, what, what is this glitch? So I figured I would name it about my break from social media, but I just really want, I wanted people to understand. I can't emphasize it enough.

The Default Mode Network is something that our brains need. And, you know, I said I feel more grounded after this break from social media. I feel less anxious, more grounded in who I am closer to the Lord more present. It wasn't just because social media was absent, but because my Default Mode Network was more active.

Isn't that so interesting? I just think the way God made our brains is so fascinating. And it's just so important to realize that He made in us a way for us to process, just to process our lives and that it heals our brains. And it helps us have creative thoughts. I really feel like I'm in a really good creative space now. And that's why I really want to limit my time on social media when I come back.

Last thing I want to share with you is how I'm going to do things differently as I come back. So the first thing I said I was going to do is unfollow a ton of people. I was following 1400, some people I don't even know, and I've already gotten it down to about 500. So I've kind of been on here and there the month of January, just unfollowing people and kind of getting acclimated and seeing the reels and everything. But I plan to get it down to like 200 people. It's going to be hard, but I really want to do that. So that's the first thing, I'm actually just changing the atmosphere of my Instagram feed, really curating it with only people that I want in front of my eyes that are worth my time.

Second, strong boundaries—super strong boundaries. I am clear I want to stay off social media six days a week, moving forward. I plan to post one day a week. My plan at this point is Tuesdays and having Wednesdays kind of like a backup day if I don't get to post to it on Tuesday or something comes up, maybe I'll do Wednesdays.

Maybe I'll just skip that week, I don't know, but I kind of want to just have like a day, like Tuesdays is my social media day and I can go on there, I can post, I can do stories, I can engage, I can respond, but that's it. Then Tuesday night, come dinner I just turn it off and wind down for the week.

And I'm really excited to try this. Also, I really plan to create more than I could consume when I'm on the app. I want it to be me giving and producing, interacting a little bit, but really creating more than I'm consuming. I also think I'm going to have to turn off my DMs. Or have someone manage them for me. I'm going to just see how that goes for a little while, but that has been a huge time suck for me. And I love interacting with people, so it's been really hard for me to come to that decision, but I think I'm just going to have to turn this off so that I can really manage my time on the app well.

And then lastly, I'm going to try this for a few months and if I don't like it, I'm going to reassess. I just feel like I can't ever say “this is the plan forever and ever amen.” I feel like we're always going to constantly be changing according to the season of life that we're in, according to what the Lord is speaking to me about and just move forward a season at a time, you know, and always be willing to change course in the middle of a season, if that's what God asked me to, but that's kind of my plan for now. I feel like I want it to be an app that is full of the voices and people and things that I want to be engaged with and following. And I want to be very strategic with the time that I spend.

I don't want my kids to see me posting all the time. I want it to be strategic and Tuesdays and Wednesdays are when I have help with them a little bit more so I can work and be very focused on this time. Okay, I'm rambling at this point. One of the things that helps me stay strong is to get a clear vision for the season of life I'm in, and I have created a resource for you.

It's a quick podcast download along with a guide that you can download to get a clear vision for your life, for this season of your life—like the next 12 weeks of your life. You can download a short audio as well as the guide, and you can really get clarity in your home and in your faith and in your work.

I just encourage you. If you have not downloaded A Vision For Your Season, and listened to it and gone through and written down a vision for your season, I really think that this would be helpful for you, especially in this area of life, especially in regards to social media use and the kind of person that you want to be in your family and how you want to show up for your work.

Just to get real clear in that vision, and you'll know, two episodes ago we talked all about The 12 Week Year and getting a clear vision, and if you haven't downloaded a Vision For Your Season and try that, I think it will really help you do that.

Okay. I also wanted to leave you with a few episodes I've mentioned today that I've recorded in the past that talk about Default Mode Network and just boundaries with technology and things like that.

So Episode 42 is Switch On Your Brain.

Episode 88 is Digital Minimalism—both of those are book reviews and they're really great.

Episode 135 is an update on my social media break. So that's the one that I kind of did right in the middle of my social media break. And then Episode 138 is Three Habits to Put Social Media in its Place.

Alan Cohen said,