077 - Back to School Rhythms and Routines
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Show Notes:
I love school supply shopping. I love the first day of school. I love fresh pencils and pens and a brand new notebook to decorate those white three ring binders. I love a fresh stack of college ruled notebook paper, and a brand new planner. Starting school in the fall is another fresh start ushering in the cooler weather and a year of learning. It's like a big blank slate.
And now I'm a mom and I get to start all over again. Milly is starting Kindergarten and I just went to school supply shopping for her, and it was the best thing ever.
BUT here's what I've learned: as a parent doing this all over again, there's a different side to it and it's not so pretty. It can be very stress-inducing. There's a lot to manage. There's a lot to take hold of. And I've learned this (I'm a mom of three right now and there's two going into preschool, one going into Kindergarten): there's a lot of different correspondence and papers, a lot of different things going on.
And so I have decided, I am going to learn from other moms and put some systems into place.
I don't have a ton of years under my belt—I fully admit that—but I am committed to putting systems, and rhythms, and routines into place as we go back to school that will allow us to flourish instead of being stressed out. And today I'm excited to share those with you.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through it below!
My new philosophy at home and in life is to systematize everything in my home that feels urgent or crazy, so that I can focus on what's important at home, which is the relationships and enjoying time together. And this is easier said than done, and I'm still working it out. And I think I will be forever and ever, certainly as long as children are under my roof, I think it's going to be a constant tweaking and changing of this philosophy, but I'm excited about it.
And what it's allowed me to do is to really look at my days objectively and say, "How can I make this better?"
There have been five things that we've really struggled with as a family going back to school, getting into this new rhythm. Some things we've conquered and tackled, and some things that I'm like, "Oh no. We're conquering and tackling it this year. This is not going to be a problem for us anymore because I need a new system." And so what I've been doing, what I've been in the process of doing is implementing solutions to these five areas:
1. Paper processing. All of the papers that come home, and book bags, and in the mail, and just all the paper in our house.
2. A longterm storage solution of artwork and schoolwork that we want to keep. What we want to keep, what we want to toss.
3. Just getting out the door in the morning. That can be stressful.
4. Afternoon and evening prep for the next day.
5. Bedtime. Getting the rest that we need.
And all of these things, we've been stressed out about it one way or another. And I want to share what we're doing this year to regain control and stability in our home so that we can flourish and be rested and prepared, instead of always feeling like we're behind.
Then at the very end of this episode, I'm going to talk to you about three simple ways that I like to make this a joyful experience. These are things that I'm just trying to do personally, that I gained a lot of joy from. Because I think it's important to take the time as a mom to do the things that bring us joy.
Now, as we jump into these five different areas, I'm going to start by asking you two questions. And I really want you to pause and think about them. You might need to listen to this episode twice to really implement the changes you want to make. But the reason I'm asking you the questions is because I have a different family than you. I have a different home than you. I have a different set of preferences than you. And so I want you to think about what I'm doing, take whatever you want to take, you can go ahead and steal whatever I share in this episode, apply it to your own home and family. But I also want you to feel the freedom to adjust and do things the way you want to do them.
So, let's talk about paper processing.
I can't stand all the papers that come into our home. There's so much paper clutter, and it's so hard for some reason to make decisions about them. Two questions I want to ask you about your paper:
Where do you want all of them to settle when they arrive? You need to choose a spot for all of them to go when they arrive so they don't end up in 20 different piles around your house.
And number two, what is your plan to tackle them? It's time to be proactive about them. So they don't keep beating us up. I feel like the paper piles they've got to stop. They've just got to go.
So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to answer those questions for you. I have it container. It's like a magazine holder container attached right next to our garage door, right upon entry into our house. That is going to be our landing station for all the papers. And inside of that little holder, I'm going to have four folders.
One for Will, my husband, one for me, one that says kids because all my kids are little. They can't read or process their own stuff yet. So I just want a folder for all of them that I can make decisions about. And then a fourth folder, which is for later. And that's just the folder that I'm going to put stuff that needs to be filed.
We have a file folder system for bills that we've paid. If it needs to be filed, it can go in there. I can file it later. Or it might be something that I need to make a decision about, but that decision isn't due for another month, or it's something that I need to have a longer conversation about with Will. Then it will go in the later folder, and then I'll know to tackle it. I'm going to tackle the later folder every two weeks, no later. I'm not going to wait any longer than two weeks.
And what is my process for tackling all of them? So as they come into the house, I will immediately take the things out of their book bags, process the mail, undo the envelopes, throw everything in the trash that needs to be thrown into the trash, and immediately without making any decisions, I'm going to put them in the folders, exactly where they need to go. Whether it's for me, for Will, for the kids, or for later, I'm going to put them all in their folders. And I know that way, there's not piles that accumulate everywhere all over my stuff, they're in the paper thing.
And then what I'm going to do is once a week, I am going to set aside an hour and tackle the papers. I'm going to tackle them. Kind of like how I do my email ninja, where I set aside an hour and I tackle all of my emails and I try to answer them as quickly as possible. I'm going to set aside time once a week to tackle the folders. And I'll probably glance into the later folder, the things for later and say, "Okay, I can tackle this now. I might go ahead and knock it out during that hour every week," or I might say, "Oh, Will's not here. This isn't a good time," I'm going to just leave it in the later folder. And then I'll definitely get to it next week.
So, I'm honestly pretty pumped about my paper plan. I'll keep you posted on whether it works or not, but I've done a little research and digging, and this has worked for other moms. I've tweaked it a little bit and I feel good about it working for me. And I'm just honestly excited to have a plan and know what to do with all my papers.
The second area that I want to talk to you about is the longterm storage of artwork and schoolwork.
This is a hard one, because I simultaneously want to keep everything while also wanting to throw away everything. I want to keep them because they're so precious, but I also hate the clutter. And the answer is having a game plan. So I'm going to ask you two questions. What do you want to keep and enjoy? You—as mama—what are the things that make you happy? What do you want to keep and enjoy? How much of it? And what do you want to pass along to them one day? When they move out or when you pass on, what are the things that you want to make sure that you pass along to them?
My plan for this is to keep about five to 10 pieces of artwork or schoolwork per year per kid. And I'm going to put those in a little expanding file folder that will go inside a plastic Tupperware box. And I don't mean Tupperware like kitchen Tupperware. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that are like the big Christmas storage boxes. You can get a six pack of clear storage boxes on Amazon for cheap. And my sister gave me the step. She said, "Buy one of those six packs." Works well for her. She has six kids. But by one of those multiple packs of storage containers and reserve one for each kid.
And if you start saving up too much stuff for them to keep one day, you’ve got to get rid of it. Because for me, what I want is I want to pass along to them one storage box for them to keep, and that's going to include their favorite baby clothes, any favorite lovies or special mementos through the years, trophies, whatever, along with that saved artwork, that saved schoolwork, and anything else that I as their mom deem worthy to keep. So having that vision of what do you want to keep and enjoy, and what do you want to pass along to them one day, and having the vision of putting it all in one box, is really helpful. I mean, my kids are little. Their boxes are pretty empty right now. But I know it's going to fill up through the years. And I think having that simplified vision is just really helpful.
Side note, but also I want you to be thinking about the things that you love and enjoy, and that you do them for you, more than you do them for the kids.
Because if you think about it, you as their mama, you're going to get so much more joy and enjoyment of those things that you're saving, really than they ever will. I mean, they might enjoy looking back through their stuff. But I, as a grown woman now, I appreciate everything that my mom saved for me, and I love the home videos, and I love that stuff. But I think that she got more enjoyment out of it than I ever have.
And so as mamas, it's important to save the things that bring our heart joy, but then to also have a plan to pass it along one day.
Let's talk about getting out of the door in the morning.
This is more of a rhythm than it is a system. And the two questions I want to ask you are:
Who do you want to be in the morning? What's the kind of mom that you want to be in the morning as you send your kids out to school?
And argue with that mom. Are you able to be that mom? Now I know a lot of you listening are like, "Hey Nancy, didn't you get the memo? Everything is virtual. We're all doing homeschooling this year. You're not sending kids out of school like you once were." I get it.
But at the same time, there's a lot of different states in America doing a lot of different things. And there are a lot of kids going back to school. There are a lot of kids doing half and half. There's a lot of kids homeschooling, doing virtual learning. It's a mixed bag right now.
The bottom line is I hope that we all get back to school one day. I think that we will. But whether your kids are home, or whether they're getting on a bus, or whether you're driving them to school, it's still important to have a morning rhythm or a start of your school day.
And it's still important for you to be the mom that you want to be during that time.
The second question is, how do you want your morning to flow?
I want to be a mom that is dressed and ready, and on top of her game, and excited, and encouraging, and loving. I want to be a mom that's speaking life to my kids. I want to be a mom that has a healthy, good breakfast ready, that inspires my kids to propel themselves to the right timeline and get themselves dressed and take responsibility for their own things.
All of this is way easier said than done. I get it. But it's good to paint this vision in your mind.
And how do I want my morning to flow? I really want my morning to just be expected. I want all of us to have the same expectations for the morning, and all of us to know the different roles that we have as the morning unfolds. And so what I mean by that is, I want my five-year-old to know that it's her responsibility to make her bed, and get dressed, and be at the breakfast table. And if it's cereal morning or whatever, that she's the one in charge of getting her cereal made. I want each person—I don't think my little two can really do it much for themselves at all right now—but I want each person to know what role they play in the morning flow. And I want it to all go on a timely manner. And I don't want to be rushed getting out the door. I want it to go smoothly.
Now, my number one tip for this, and I'm going to be a little bit repetitive later when I talk about bedtime. But my number one tip for this is the time timer. It is this little clock, it's already in my Cornerstore. It's a visual timer that you can set for an hour, and it turns red. And then as the hour fades away, the red starts to go away.
So your kids can look at it and know how much time is left. And what we say in the mornings is, you have to accomplish these five things before you get to do anything fun. And our reward is always watching something. My kids are highly motivated by Paw Patrol right now. And so they know if they do everything on the morning routine list, and there's still a little bit of red time left, then they get to watch a little bit of Paw Patrol before we get into the car.
This has worked wonders. Having this incentive at the end and also this visual timer, has been huge for our family. And it really has turned our really stressful, crazy mornings with a lot of power struggles and tantrums. It's turned it around because there's something motivating them to do their part.
And so that's my biggest tip, is to get a time timer and say, "As soon as this timer goes off, we get in the car and we go," or, "As soon as this timer goes off, the school day starts and you have to be ready."
So making a list or telling them the four things that they have to do. For us, it's:
eat breakfast
get dressed
go potty
put your backpack in the car.
I think that's it. If you do those four things, then you can watch something if there's still time left. But you have to do all of those things before there's time left. So that time timer is super helpful.
So just think, who do you want to be in the morning? How do you want your morning to go? And that time timer is a tool that has been hugely helpful for us.
The fourth area is afternoon and evening prep.
Questions:
What can you do ahead of time that you're not doing?
Second question is, what can your kid or kids help you do ahead of time?
Use it as a teaching moment for them. Start to form in their little brains, "Hey, things take time. It's good to plan ahead and not scramble." What are things that you're not doing head of time that you could be doing?
One thing that was totally a game changer for us last year, I think it was like halfway through the year of preschool, I started making their lunches the night before. I know you're probably thinking, "Nancy, you didn't do that the whole time?" No I didn't. I made their lunches every single morning while they were eating breakfast. It was so stressful. I don't know why that one piece of the puzzle made it that much easier, but it really did. When we started making lunches the night before and putting them in the fridge so that we could just pop them into their book bags before going to school, it was huge.
Now we've started making some breakfast the night before, so we can just heat it up and send them on their way, whether it's a breakfast casserole or overnight oats.
Anything you can do the night before. Making sure their book bags are cleaned out, processed, by the door, ready to go. Making sure their shoes and socks are by the door, ready to go. Clothes are laid out.
Anything that you can do the afternoon or evening before, do it.
And anything you can incorporate your kid and helping you do it, do that.
Let them pick out their outfit, or say, "Mommy's picking it out and you have to wear it," but teach them, these things have to happen the night before.
The last area is bedtime.
Here's my question for you:
What time do lights need to be out for your kids, so that they can get the rest that they need? And what time do lights need to be out for you so you can get the rest you need?
And then you need to work backwards. From those times that you just set in your mind, you need to work backwards and say, "How long does our bedtime routine take? And what do I need to do in that hour before bed, during the bedtime routine, to set us up for success and make sure that that light can go out?"
Again, we use the time timer. I kid you not. It is the best little tool. I use it for myself. I use it for my kids. But when I need to do something in a crunch, I'll set the timer for 20 minutes and put it right next to the kitchen sink and say, "How clean can I get this kitchen in 20 minutes?" Setting a timer is incredibly motivating. But use it for bedtime.
So what we do after dinner is, we go upstairs and we turn on the timer and say, "Okay guys, we've got an hour. It's time for bath. It's time to brush teeth. If you want play time, you have to brush hair."
And then we have the fun stuff: reading the book, the singing a song, and the prayer at night. And so we say, "You can't get a story. You can't read a book. If the timer goes out and then it's lights out." Now we always sing a song and pray when the lights go out.
So we never want to compromise and say, "Oh, you can't get a prayer tonight," because we always want to pray over our kids. But we're happy to eliminate the story time if they're dawdling or being really slow during that time, not obeying, throwing fits, that kind of thing. We'll just say, "Okay, it's your choice. You're the one choosing not to read a book."
So again, it's the incentive idea. It's saving the fun things for the end. And it's also... One thing that's been extremely helpful for us (none of our kids can read yet. They're little. We've got three of them. The littlest one can't even understand pictures yet) is that we wrote out our bedtime routine with little clip art pictures.
We have pictures all lined up in a row of things that they have to accomplish while the timer's going. So they can look at it and understand what has to be done before the timer goes off, and they can choose to do the next thing. So it's in order. Definitely recommend that. You could also go to Canva and they have like better versions of little clip art pictures, and make yourself a little bedtime routine of like five or six pictures of the steps you have to take, or your children have to take before they get into bed. And then when the timer goes up, the timer goes off, lights out.
Those are the little things.
How would you feel if you were able to create new rhythms and routines around these five areas?
I don't know about you, but I'm already feeling better about the school year. I'm excited about it. I think these things not only cause our kids to thrive, but honestly they cause us to thrive. We know what to expect. We know how to be proactive. We know how to manage our home in a healthy way. And we can be the moms that we want to be.
Now, I'm going to close with the three simple ways just to make this whole back to school season a more joyful experience for you.
Number one, read all of the emails and correspondence that your school is sending you as soon as you get them.
I made this mistake actually. I have been putting it off. Now my inbox was out of control a few months ago. We were traveling. It was just crazy. And I took an afternoon to read all of them, and was like, "I would have been way less stressed out if I had actually read these a couple of weeks ago." So my new commitment is to read all emails and correspondence from schools as soon as they come in , and to prioritize that, instead of just put it off.
Number two, make school supply shopping fun.
Listen, I told Will, I think this last weekend, "I need two hours by myself at Target. I want to go in-person. I don't want to order them on Amazon. I like the experience of school supply shopping. I want to get a Starbucks. I want to have fun." I love this. This is like a reward for me being a mom to these kids. I want to do it this way. And when the kids get older, I want to take them. I want them to pick it out. I want them to own it. I love those memories of me and my mom school supply shopping together. There are some of my fondest memories, and it was so fun. I love that. I want to do that with my kids. But right now my kids are just too little. Two of them would have to ride in the cart. I wouldn't have any space for it. So I'm like, "Listen, I want to do this for me." Make it fun, make it a tradition. Just do something fun with it. Maybe go get donuts. Make it fun.
Number three, as much as possible, do everything for school in advance.
This is something that we're all going to have to learn and do maybe a little bit differently this year. But let's take the time and lesson plan. Let's order their books ahead of time if you need to. Let's get their school clothes ahead of time. If they need new shoes, let's go ahead and do that. Do everything possible to get them prepared for school in advance so that you feel prepared on day one.
I hope this episode was exciting, inspiring. I don't know. Maybe you don't love school supplies and back to school as much as I do, but I really love it. And I hope if nothing else, it inspired you to look at it with fresh eyes, to get motivated, to take charge of some areas of your life that are difficult, and make them run smoothly because you can. You and I have the authority, and the power in our homes to change things and allow them to be different. And I hope that that is the case for you this year.
Work and Play Cornerstore
This is where I share a book I'm loving and a thing I'm loving. I'll get a small commission from anything bought through the links, which help me continue to bring this podcast to you every week.
And today I'm going to be adding the book, The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo, as well as the tools for my paper processing station to the corner store. So first let's talk about the book. Marie Kondo is brilliant. This book is tiny, and tidy, and clean, and easy read, and so inspiring and motivating. I read it several years ago. I still take the things that I read from this book and apply it to my home regularly. I just cleaned out our playroom, and I did exactly as she says. We put everything in the middle of the room, all the toys. Then you go through them, or all the books in the house and you go through them.
Anyway, you've probably read it. If you haven't, you definitely need to. It is such a great inspirational book about tidying up. I think something else about back to school makes me want to just clean out and tidy up the house. I think I just want to be ready for whatever's coming.
And then next the items for my paper processing station. So I have these white folders from Amazon, super basic, super simple that I'm going to label. I go pretty cheap with these things because I'm like, I don't need a lot of nice things to stay organized. You just need the tools that you need. And then, like I said, I have a little wall rack or a magazine holder or something, that I use for my paper processing station. I got mine years ago at Urban Outfitters. Believe it or not. So I'm going to find one that's similar on Amazon and link it, so you know what I'm talking about. Basically, whatever it is for you, just know that you need a landing station for all your paper that works for you.
That’s it for today, thanks for listening.
